Monday, September 16, 2013

Things I would write about if I could stop worrying about offending/pissing someone off

I find myself writing this because I want to be more consistent with this blog, but I keep running into excuses for NOT posting something I want to write about because well, what if someone doesn't like what I have to stay? Uggg - it makes me want to kick myself when I read that out-loud. I am, after all, 45-years-old. What are you afraid of, Woman?? (Rejection, ridicule, etc and so forth.)

My biggest problem - I am a recovering people-pleaser (I hope that's okay with you.) I don't like conflict especially with those I am closest to. I have been guilty of running myself absolutely ragged trying to do everything I could to please everyone around me. If you have ever tried to do this yourself, then you know what a futile effort this is. If you are blessed not to be a compulsive people-pleaser then consider yourself lucky - unless you have let your ability to not what care what others think make you a complete jerk. In that case - knock it the heck off. The world needs more folks willing to stand up for what they believe - while at the same time acknowledging that there is not always one right answer for everyone. It is called practicing compassion - and kindness - and tolerance. Those are NOT bad words, People!!

So - what are some things I would blog about if I wasn't such an insecure coward?

1. I would write about coffee. I love coffee. But, here's my confession - I love to joke and talk about it a lot more that I actually drink it. Forgive me,  Fellow Coffee Addicts!! Will you hate me if I admit that I drink pop occasionally? Or, (gasp) tea? And, wine and beer? (Although, you gotta admit beer is pretty cool, too.) That my all-time-most-favorite-drink-EVER is a tall, cool glass of   .........  water???? I know, I know, it is shocking and shameful. My fingers tremble as I admit that I do, at times, stoop to drinking decaf. I used to be able to drink caffeine all day long and it did nothing to me. Once I hit 40, though, that all changed. Too much caffeine after dinner means I do not sleep at night. And, since I am no longer 20 I can handle very few sleepless nights in a row before I am an utter wreck. Getting older is not always fun.

2. I would admit that I am a registered Republican. The problem is that I have discovered that once I let a certain label be attached to me folks stop listening to anything else that I might have to share. Yes, I am a Republican. No - I do not agree with everything the Republican Party touts. Nor do I hate everything that Democrats push for. I have never voted a straight party ticket. I may not be the most informed voter - but I do try to learn what I can about candidates and issues brought up in an election and make my choice accordingly. I find those who spout extreme party lines on either side of the spectrum to be utterly offensive. It is unrealistic to say that ALL Republicans or ALL Democrats or ALL Liberals feel the same about everything their chosen Party pitches. I particularly dislike making others appear less worthy because they do not agree with you. You are not an idiot for disagreeing with me. (Well - probably not.) So - come at me all you crazy liberal Obama-loving, military-hating, big tax spending rabid Democrats!! You know who you are!!

3. I would write more about God or Jesus or church and how much I love (and am driven stark-raving crazy by) all of the above. I would also write about how much I don't understand and how sometimes I think we should all be pew-hoppers in church. Seriously - get up and move to the other side of the sanctuary and get a new perspective. Most of us who are regulars in church are FAR TOO COMFORTABLE!!! I would tell you that I do not have all the answers, but I believe we are all searching. And what's more - I would sincerely love to listen to what you believe. Yes - I am a Christian. But I do not believe you are going to hell if you do not believe everything exactly the same way that I do. Another way of saying that is "You don't have to sin the same way that I do." I don't care if you are black, white, democrat, republican, gay, straight, or have naturally curly hair, Gosh Darn It!!! God loves you!! Have you found God in your life? Where? How? Because there is no way someone can experience God without it being an amazing life-transforming experience. I would really love to know what excites you and intrigues and motivates you spiritually. You know that saying, "We all have a God-shaped hole in us." Those holes are not all the same shape for each of us. But I believe God is infinite and is the only one who can fit each and everyone of those holes. Ok - fellow Believers - come at me for this one.

4.  I would write about being divorced and how much I hate being a single-mom. This one is tough because it hurts A LOT. My most sincere prayer from the very beginning of our separation was that I not become bitter. Bitterness is so ugly and damaging. I was married for 23-years and we had three amazing daughters together.  My divorce is without question the toughest, most heart-breaking experience I have endured in my life so far. I have grown more in the last three years than I could have ever imagined. I have been given the chance to learn more about who I am and what I truly believe. And I have been given a second chance to find love. It still seems surreal to be a single-mom with three children who is engaged to another man. There was a time when I would never have even conceived of any of those things being a reality in my life. Let's be clear. What I want to talk about here is the experience of BEING divorced. I have no desire to go into WHY my marriage ended. Anyone want to take a jab at how or why my first marriage failed? Go ahead....bring it. Guaranteed no matter how close to me you think you are - NO ONE has any idea what truly happened or why it ended. And, what's more's none of your business.

5. I would write about getting a tattoo. Yes - I HAVE A TATTOO. Yes, I am seriously thinking about getting another one. It took me 44 years to get my first one, so it might take awhile to decide on the 2nd one. No - I have never been to prison...yet. No - I don't own a motorcycle....yet.  No - I am not part of any kind of gang....that I know of. I LOVE my tattoo. It simply makes me happy when I see it. I have always liked them and I wanted one for years and now I have one and it is AWESOME!! Ok, all you tattoo-haters out there - it is your turn.

6. I would write PUBLICILY about drinking beer and wine and how I got divorced, got a tattoo and started hanging out at bars and drinking beer and wine. Ok - to be honest I have never been a fan of the bar scene. But I do like beer. Can you hear all of my German ancestors cheering with a loud, "Noch ein Beer, bitte!!"? And as far as hanging out at the spirit of disclosure I started attending a Bible Study held in a bar. This study is called Bibles and Beer and it is a wonderful group. I actually would LOVE to argue with folks about this one. Think Bibles don't belong in bars? Think Bible-readers/believers don't belong in bars? Think Bible-readers/believers shouldn't drink beer or wine or any alcohol? Go ahead - ARGUE WITH ME HERE!! Trust me God is in that bar right alongside everyone else sitting and drinking in there. And I think that those of us who love people and love God need to be in there right alongside them as well. Now - if you do not believe in drinking alcohol - fine. Drink soda or coffee or water (I love water!!). And because I work for lawyers I feel I must add that I am NOT promoting alcoholism, driving while intoxicated, under-age drinking or Coors Lite.

7. I would write about Facebook. And how being friends on Facebook in no way, shape or form means that you really have any clue about me and vice versa. I do try to be very honest about what I post on Facebook. It is a challenge to keep a healthy balance. No one is happy ALL the time, but none of us wants to read posts from someone whining about every single detail of their day. Facebook is a great way to stay in touch with others. I LOVE that. But really it is only glimpses of what is going on in our lives. If you are not sure what someone means by something they post - then ask them!!!! Vague-booking (those annoying posts that intentionally leave others hanging) is ridiculously popular. And, yes, I have been guilty. But chances are that the poster is dying for someone to ask them what they meant so that they can explain. It would be easier to start off with an explanation.....but, that would be too easy.  Okay - now go ahead and tell me about how you have great insight to my psyche from what I post on Facebook. I might actually learn something about myself.

Well, there you have it. Time to wrap this up even though I did not get around to telling you how I find "Let's keep Christ in Christmas" posts annoying. Along with people-pleasing I am also a recovering Over-thinker. Guess that means I ought be able to come up with something else to write about another time. Now I just have to take a deep breath and hit the "Publish" button. Bring it on, Internet!!!!