KLS's Korner

No, really, all is not "Fine"

2011-10-13T11:31:00.002-06:00

I read this blog post titled "Why Are You Crying" from Paulo Coelho today and it really struck a cord with me. Maybe you, too, have noticed that there are a lot of folks out there who are hurting. In going through my own life-changing crisis I would too often get a shocked response from people who knew me about how they had no idea things were as bad as they were. Why do we hide our suffering? I can't speak for everyone, but I can share a few of my reasons and perhaps others can relate:

**I didn't want to admit the truth to myself - much less anyone else.
Acknowledging the truth of a situation carries a certain level of responsibility and call to action that I wanted to avoid. After all not EVERYTHING was bad in my life. And it seemed self-centered to focus on the bad when I had so many blessings to count.

**I didn't want to burden others with my problems.
Everyone has their own problems to worry about. Why should I be so selfish as to add to their struggles by dumping mine on them?

**I didn't want to risk the consequences of having to face up to what was going wrong in my life.
I was afraid that if I acknowledged what was going wrong my friends would not let me just slide by anymore.

**I didn't want to "air all our dirty laundry" for the whole world to see.
Was it really anybody's business - all the trouble we were having?

**I was afraid if I was honest about what was happening I would "absolutely lose it."
I knew that if I came out and acknowledge the struggles we were facing that I would break down emotionally. There were times when I couldn't envision ever recovering from all the pent up tears.

I am sure that others have their own reasons for hiding their pain. My thought in response to Paulo Coelho's post is that it may not have completely been the generous friend's fault that he did not know his friend was in need. And, my other thought is that I am so grateful that when I was finally able to acknowledge my pain and suffering that my own generous friends and relatives stepped forward to support me. God-willing I want one day to be in the position to be the generous friend and hopefully, I can be observant and present to encourage my friends not to wait until the need is dire before reaching out.

Again, God......

2011-04-14T11:07:00.000-06:00

Dear God, "Ouch."

2011-03-30T10:42:00.001-06:00

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Romans 8:26

I don't know about you, but there are often times when I just don't know what to say to God. Times when all of the "junk" of life just seems to bombard me at the same time. Some of the junk is big and some is small. Some of it involves pain and suffering I see in loved ones around me. And some of it I face myself. Any one of these could probably be kept in proper perspective and dealt with accordingly - if they happened one at a time. But I've noticed that Life's challenges rarely line up that nicely. No, instead they come in waves - and not just small waves - tsunami size waves of full of pain, suffering, regret, deceit, broken-hearts, broken spirits.

It is immensely over-whelming and all I can do is to cry out. Lately when these waves have hit the only word I could think of was "Ouch." Because it hurt so much. Romans 8:26 gives me reassurance that my "Ouch" is more than enough. God knows how much hurt and grief are packed into that small inadequate word. All the myriad of details and history and misunderstanding and longing. God gets it. Which is good because I don't. And then I can rely on God's promise in Corinthians 4:8-9, " We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

Which reminds me of the song "Trading My Sorrows" by Delirious. Here are the words - hopefully they can bless you as they have often blessed me when Life's Tsunami waves hit.

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

We say yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord
yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord
yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord, amen

I am pressed but not crushed
persecuted, but not abandoned
struck down, but not destroyed

I am blessed beyond the curse,
for His promise will endure
and His joy will be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning.

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

We say yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord
yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord
yes Lord, yes Lord, yes, yes Lord, amen (2x)

I am pressed but not crushed
persecuted, but not abandoned
struck down, but not destroyed

I am blessed beyond the curse,
for His promise will endure
and His joy is going to be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning.

I'm trading my sorrows
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord (2x)

Whining to God

2011-03-21T10:26:00.000-06:00

Okay, so we are now 12 days into Lent and I'd like to say that I am flying through this season without a hitch. I've already told you about how I gave up my personal Facebook time for Lent. What I didn't really give proper thought to was what would replace that time. I know that what I SHOULD have done was planned to spend more time in reflection or reading my Bible or substitute some other discipline that would help grow my relationship with God.

Instead I have whined - A LOT - about what I'm not able to share on FB. But if my whining is to God - couldn't that be considered a kind of prayer? And then, that's not completely wasting all of my time for spiritual and personal improvement, right? (Yes, I am looking for someone to validate my whining.)

I have been good and have not been on my Facebook page. And I MISS IT!! What I miss is not Farmville or Frontierville - my two biggest time wasters on Facebook. What I DO miss is sharing stuff with my FB friends. Some of the things I share could be considered more important than others. For instance, I love to tell folks Happy Birthday. And, I don't just post "Happy Birthday" on their walls either. Oh, no, I post the entire Happy Birthday song for them. And when I do I sing it in my head. Fortunately for them it sounds much better in print. In my head I usually hear the stork from Dumbo singing happy birthday to him when he is delivered to his mother. I feel remorse over not being able to wish my FB friends Happy Birthday. So for all of you on FB who have birthdays this Lent - this is for you: Happy Birthday to you!! Happy Birthday to you!! Happy Birthday, dear (insert name here)!! Happy Birthday to you!!

I keep hoping God will pipe up and say "It's okay to wish so-and-so Happy Birthday on FB today." But that hasn't happen yet.

There are also informative things I like to share through Facebook. For instance, this Saturday, March 26 (my Dad's birthday, incidentally - no worries, I usually call him in person since he doesn't have a FB account) - anyway, this Saturday at 8:30pm folks around the world will celebrate Earth Hour 2011. What is Earth Hour? Well, you can click here to find out: http://www.worldwildlife.org/sites/earthhour/index.html. Basically everybody agrees for one hour to turn their lights off to show support for our planet. It's a great cause and a great way to draw attention to our need for change. Check out the video for Earth Hour 2011 below - it's cool and inspiring. (Maybe there's a chance my FB friends will see this???? And share it??? Just wondering.....)

In the grand Facebook scheme - I don't have a lot of FB friends - less than 300. About 99% of them I have actually met in person and probably more than 50% I am either related to or see on a regular basis - ie lots of cool churchy friends (love you guys!!). These are people I want to interact with and share stories with and do stuff with.

Which leads me to admit, that one of the biggest things I miss sharing - rather selfishly - is stuff about me. You know, the daily 'this is what's on my list, this is what's annoying me, this is what I thought was cool today', kind of stuff. Because I love when my friends respond to what I post!! And, maybe somewhat less selfishly I have to admit that I miss finding out what's happening with all my FB friends at their end of the internet.

Just so you know, I didn't give up Facebook for Lent because I think Facebook is bad. Quite the opposite. I am a huge propopent of Social Networking - and Facebook in particular - and I have enough to say about it that I should probably save it for it's own blog post. I gave it up because it is something that has a great potential to have TOO much significance in my life and I needed some time to figure out how to keep it in the proper perspective. And considering all the whining I've been doing these past 12 days it was probably a wise choice.

Well - only 28 more days to go - not that I'm counting or anything.

No - I am not cheating - at least not on purpose.......

2011-03-10T10:45:00.001-07:00

Soooo, I "gave up" Facebook for Lent a whole 27 hours ago - not that I'm keeping track or anything. And it's been a learning experience already. I know that I spend a lot of my time on Facebook. If not actively engaged in it, at least having a window open in the background so that I could see what was happening with folks and pages that I like to follow. **sigh** I also manage my church's Facebook and Twitter accounts - and they are doing a Lenten study which requires that I post regular questions and quotes for them. So, I had to be specific about avoiding my personal Facebook - and not the church's page. BTW - you can visit that page here: http://www.facebook.com/FUMCCheyenneWY. So far my method is to quickly post what I need through the church's account and then get off. Anyway, it's just not the same, because as cool as I think my church is - their presence on Facebook is vastly different than mine.

What I did not think of when I made the decision to abstain from my personal Facebook account was just how much of what I do is linked to Facebook. I like to use Foursquare on my Droid (that's my Droid HTC Increbible Smartphone to be precise.) Want to learn more - check out this link: http://foursquare.com/. It let's you "check-in" to different businesses and venues around town and share it with friends who also use Foursquare - AND it let's you share those check-ins with your Facebook and Twitter accounts. Kinda like ultimate social networking multi-tasking with one click. So, is it cheating if I still check-in on Foursquare and it posts to my Facebook account? I really, really want the answer to be "no."

Another thing that I use that automatically posts to my Facebook and Twitter accounts is THIS BLOG!! Now this gives me an even bigger quandary because one of my additional goals during Lent was to work on blogging more regularly. So, am I subconsciously undermining one goal by replacing it with another? Why does this have to be so hard?

I really hope that God understands what I am trying to do - even if maybe I don't. And I'm going to try to be more patient with myself - after all, I'm really just getting started with this. The bright side is I only have 38 days and 21 hours to go!!

Pray for me.

Mark Your Calendars! - Ultimate Blog Party 2011

2011-03-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

It's coming - soon! And I'm very excited. Check out this link and join me and thousands of other bloggers beginning on April 1 - no foolin'!!

Nobody Special

2011-03-03T12:55:00.001-07:00

Ever have one of those days - or maybe weeks....or months when you just don't feel special - or even significant? Oh, well, you know, me neither.

Right.

Okay, so, maybe it does happen occasionally. Like many women closer to "middle-aged" than I care to admit I find myself asking "Just what have I done with my life?" When I compare myself to seeming "successful" women in the world it is rather depressing. Nothing stellar in the occupation department (legal assistant-NOT lawyer, and part-time to boot), definitely lots of work to do in the healthy/physically fit department (won't even get started on listing this one), less-than-perfect kids(only slightly less-than-perfect), less-than-perfect faith in God(Oy, vey) and the list goes on.

For crying out loud - how did I end up to be 40+ and I still haven't got it all figured out?

When I'm really having a hard day I can let the most ridiculous things drag me down. I was washing dishes the other night (oh, yes, housework - another arena for much self-flagellation) and for some reason I started thinking about the D.A.R. - you know, the Daughters of the American Revolution? To belong to the D.A.R. you have be able to trace your family tree back someone who lived in the U.S.A. at the time of the American Revolution. My own three daughters, supposedly, could belong to the D.A.R. if they wished. But not because of me. Nope. Their membership qualifications come through their father's side of the family. All of my ancestors, that I know of, came to the United States too durned late. Maybe that's why procrastination is another of my life's challenges. It seems silly to let myself feel inconsequential because the D.A.R. is picky about their membership. As U.S. citizens my daughter's are special because of that historical connection. And me - well, not so much.

Now, one of the things that I don't beat myself up over (too much) is knowing that I am smart - at least somewhat smart. And being somewhat smart, I know that I can't just measure myself up against what the world tells me makes me special or worthy. And, I am smart enough to know that in many ways I am my own worst enemy, because when my narcissitic, low-self-esteem kicks in, it can be rather difficult to believe the tiny voice inside my head saying, "No, you really are special! Don't listen to them!" It gets drowned out very easily. The world is LOUD. So, I find myself incredibly grateful that in spite of my less-than-perfect faith God constantly finds ways to break through all the surrounding noise and reminds me just how special I am.

I am special - to my daughters. I get regular reminders in the form of cheerful greetings when I walk in the door from being gone. My 6-year-old draws me beautiful pictures for my fridge. My 14-year-old sends me funny texts. My heart swells with happiness when I call my College Girl and she greets me with a cheerful "Hi, Mommy!!" I will NEVER be tired of hearing my girls call me "Mommy." Usually I am just "Mom", but Mommy is something special and tells me that they still need me. I like that.

I am valuable(it seems weird to say I'm special to them) - to my employers. My personal goal at work is to help take the load off of the full-timers, so that their days are easier and more productive. I'm still here after nine-years, so it must be okay with them, too. I work part-time because I choose to work part-time. It means that I give up some things materially due to reduced income, but what I gain is exponentially worth every cent in the form of time with my family

I am (working on being) special - to myself. I hit the big "4-0" a few years ago and realized that if I don't get busy taking better care of myself I might not get the chance at another 40+ years. And I want that chance. So, I'm working on making better choices in diet and exercise and sleeping enough.

I am special - to God. When He makes me sit down and recite the list of how special I am, the tiny voice in my head gets much more powerful and the noises of the world's judgment are muted out. I can't justify why He cares so much - I am just so immensely grateful that He gave me the faith to believe that He does!!

I will close with the words of song that I found very inspirational the other day. My 6-year-old's choir group sang it at church. Afterwards I walked away, humming it, and feeling very good about who I am.

THE BUTTERFLY SONG
(If I Were a Butterfly)Words and Music by Brian M. Howard
If I were a butterfly
I'd thank you Lord for giving me wings
If I were a robin in a tree
I'd thank you Lord that I could sing
If I were a fish in the sea
I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee
But I just thank you Father for making me, me

CHORUS
For you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile
You gave me Jesus and you made me your child
And I just thank you Father for making me, me

If I were an elephant
I'd thank you Lord by raising my trunk
If I were a kangaroo
You know I'd hop right up to you
If I were an octopus
I'd thank you Lord for my fine looks
But I just thank you Father for making me, me

If I were a wiggly worm
I'd thank you Lord that I could squirm
If I were a fuzzy, wuzzy bear
I'd thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair
If I were a crocodile
I'd thank you Lord for my great smile
But I just thank you Father for
making me, me

For My Daughters - I love you now and always!!

2010-11-22T23:21:00.001-07:00

November 22, 2010

For my daughters: Cody, age 19, Kati, age 13, and Tori, age 6.

One of the best daily habits I told myself I would take-up when Cody was born and have actually managed to stick with is to tell each of you everyday that "I love you!" (I know, Cody, that you don't hear it everyday anymore - but that's because you insisted on moving away for college. I do try to text it to you regularly, though!!) I do sincerely pray that each of you knows how very special and dear and wonderful and amazing to me you are. My life would be so much less without you - I cannot even comprehend the thought.

I wanted to share three of the things that I pray about often for each of you. Even though there are several years between each of you in age, I have common hopes and dreams for all three of you. That doesn't mean that I don't respect your individuality. Probably no one knows better than your mom how unique each of you is. Still these hopes are for all of you. Each of these are things that I am not good at telling you or maybe even showing you. This is partially because life is so busy and sometimes it's more than enough just to get from one day to the next. It is also partially because I am so emotional and can't talk about things that mean so much to me without blubbering. Just so you know, I am blubbering as I type this, but it's easier to get through this way as long as I don't get my keyboard wet.

Dear Girls, I pray that each of you will learn to love God's word. This does NOT mean that I hope that you will all turn into the same kind of Bible-study loving freak that your mom is. (I wouldn't be upset if that happened, though.) It's just that God has so many wonderful things to say to you and I so don't want you to miss out on His message. God loves you, Cody. God thinks you are amazing, Kati. God knows you are special, Tori. I know this through His word and it would be so great if you could learn this for yourselves. If you have questions, He has answers. If you need encouragement - His word holds it. Need a kick in the rear? The Bible has those, too.

I pray for the man that God has in mind for each of you, because I believe He does have a perfect someone for you. I pray that you will have the patience to wait for him and the discernment to know him when God brings him to you. I pray that Mr. Right will first love God and then love you. It that is the case you will be loved better than you could ever imagine.

But most of all I pray that each of you will want to know God personally and intimately. He will be the best and truest friend you could ever have. You see, dear Girls, people will let you down. I'm afraid you already know this because you have me in your life. I know that I am far from a perfect mother, or perfect wife, or perfect geek. I know that I have disappointed each of you in ways both small and big and I know that others have done the same. It's rather unavoidable with people in your life. But God will never leave you or stop loving you or give up on you - never, never, ever.

Lastly I will also admit that I hope you will always know how much I love you. There is NOTHING you can do that will ever change that. My love for you will never come close to matching God's, but it is the best that I am humanly capable of.

I will always be thankful for you, Cody.
I will always be thankful for you, Kati.
I will always be thankful for you, Tori

Your, Mom

A lost cellphone, a noisy house, and Dad is the Hero.

2010-11-04T16:23:00.000-06:00

I lost my cellphone - again - for awhile last night. This is, I humbly admit, not a completely unusual occurrence. I have a bad habit of carrying it with me and setting it down in random places - usually out in the open where I easily retrace my steps and find it....but not always. I'm thinking this may be more of a concern since I upgraded to my new HTC Droid Incredible. (Squeeeeelll!!!!) Ah, yes, I love my new phone. My continuing iPhone envy is drastically diminished since my Droid came into my possession and my techy-loving side is extremely giddy.

Anyway, back to the lost cellphone...my youngest daughter Tori was playing a game called 'Teeter' on it while we were catching up on some back episodes of "Chuck" last night. Then the show was over and it was bed time and after going through the usual nighttime routine I remembered I needed to plug in my phone for the night. I have learned that this is absolutely necessary with SmartPhones because the battery lasts nada without being recharged constantly. Well, I did not find it immediately. Considering my past history this was not a cause for great concern. It always shows up eventually.

Well, an hour later and still no phone and I was starting to be more than slightly bothered. Where had the durned phone got to? I wanted to blame my 6-year-old-Teeter-playing champion, but instinctively knew better. The last mental image I had was of her playing with my phone while we watched TV, but somehow I knew that she was not the last person to handle it. Finally I resorted to the usual effective technique which is to use another phone to call my cellphone. This is where I discovered how noisy my house is.

Mind you, I would not have been surprised if my house was noisy at say....3pm in the afternoon. That is when kids are getting home from school and they are chattering and the dogs are barking a welcome and the bird is shrieking to be let out of his cage and the phone will ring and a the doorbell might chime in, too. I expect my house to be noisy during the day. I do not expect it at 10pm at night when the kids/dogs/bird are all asleep. Naturally, the challenge became obvious when I realized that my phone was set on vibrate - as it normally is when I am at work and do not want personal calls disturbing the office. I never think to turn the ringer on when I head home. Still, I've managed to call it when lost before and listen carefully and was able to hear a faint buzzing which would lead me to the missing phone.

That was not to be the case this time. The first time I called all I could hear was my ringtone playing through the receiver of my land-line. Note to self: Update Ringtone!! The second time I called and quickly stuffed the receiver under a pillow all I could hear was my furnace kicking off. The next time I tried listening in the kitchen and the hum of my refrigerator thrummed away. Thinking maybe the phone was in the basement I tried yet another call and my attention was drawn to a low branch rubbing against a window. What a racket!! All I wanted to hear was my lovely new cellphone and it was being stubbornly mute!!

I realized I had fallen to that sad level of being that left me feeling extremely insecure without my cellphone. I knew I was going to to bed and would not be using it immediately, but if I did not find it soon, the battery would wear out, the signal would go dead, and it could be lost FOREVER in some dark crevice of my house and I would never see it again and it is EXPENSIVE to replace and I LIKE texting my kids and friends and how would I keep up with my check-ins on Foursquare? Oh, yes, this is the new-age-techno-pathetic depth I had plunged to.

After only 14 attempts to call my unresponsive phone I gave up and went to bed. The next day my husband took one look at my sad, downcast face and jumped in to help in the cellphone search. Mind you, this is rather humbling to me. I am the MOM and the MOM is the one who can always find things when no one else can. This time, though, the MOM, was completely ineffective. Terry retraced all the steps I had taken - several times - last night and low & behold a miracle occurred in the laundry room when he stepped on (but did not harm) my cellphone lying on the floor next to the dryer (rather mockingly, I might add) underneath a pile of clothes waiting their turn for a cycle through the laundry. I SWEAR I looked there. At least I think I did, didn't I? I was so glad to be reunited with my Droid that I was able to sincerely thank him for finding my phone and didn't mind a bit that the MOM had, this time, been one-uped by the DAD. Beginner's Luck, probably.

10-Fold - Check it out!!

2010-10-04T09:56:00.000-06:00

Mark you calender and spread the word! From October 10th through the 19th, there is going to be a 10-day online event that will mobilize passionate people to stand up and be counted for causes they believe in, and you will have a front row seat. It's called 10-Fold.

Each day will feature a different mission project of the General Board of Global Ministries supported through the Advance, the designated giving are of the United Methodist Church. Through live webcasts, streaming video, online chats, and other media, you will learn about these amazing ministries that are changing people's lives.

And by visiting 10-Fold.org daily and registering your interest, you'll be able to help secure tangible support for each project. It's easy. With one click, you can trigger a $1.00 donation each day of 10-Fold, up to $10,000 for each project.

Be a part of a movement that mulitplies God's work, be counted, and help create an effect that is 10-Fold in good works!!

Want to learn more? Click here: The 10-Fold Video

Our Cockatiel likes NPR....at least I hope he does.

2010-09-16T11:11:00.000-06:00

My middle child Kati has a male (at least we are pretty sure he's a male) cockatiel named Teela. I know that may seem like a rather feminine name for a boy, but it's the one he came with and it has just stuck. An unfortunate result of this, though, is that Teela is randomly referred to as a she and then we'll think again later and realize "she" is not correct and use "he." The poor bird either is in a gender identity crisis or thinks we're all idiots in the household because we can't figure out something so simple as the correct gender of our bird.

Kati & Teela

Kati is our animal lover and when learning she had finally ~~manipulated~~ convinced her parents to allow her to get a cockatiel she started doing research. Teela is fortunate to have Kati looking out for him because she knows what kind of birdseed is supposed to be good for cockatiels and how much/often they should be fed, given clean water, what kind of social interaction is best for them, etc. It if were up to me the bird would definitely not be nearly so ~~spoiled~~ well-taken care of.

One thing that Kati learned is that domestic pet birds don't do well when left alone for several hours in a quiet house. Apparently the only time things would be very quiet in their "natural" habitats would be when a predator is close by. Kati could just picture poor Teela becoming extremely stressed and neurotic thinking there were predators surrounding him after spending the day alone in a quiet house when we are all gone at school or work. Our solution to this is to leave the radio on in the living room where his cage is. We don't often listen to this radio and it seems to be permanently stuck on our local NPR station. After thinking this through it seemed like a good choice. There is a combination of music and talking which should provide a variety of sound to jazz up Teela's day.

Teela is still extremely excited to greet whomever is the first person home and begs to be let out of his cage the minute he hears the front door open. I hope this is because he is just anxious for "real" company and not because he can't stand another minute of NPR.

I am NOT promising to be more consistent........

2010-09-13T13:38:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I was reading a blog post by Ree Drummond who is the Pioneer Women on her blog Confessions of a Pioneer Woman. Ree's style is wonderful - she's honest and frank and got me thinking that I should make more of an effort to do SOMETHING with my own blog. I have a constant running blog going on in my head all the time, but too rarely make the effort to transfer it into actual print. And I know that I lose a lot by that lapse, because my head only holds so much and new stuff pushes out old ideas all the time.

I love that Ree says to write your blog like you are talking to your sister. And, yes, I have a sister!! And, I love talking to her! And, if I'm writing to her I don't have to worry about whether she'll understand certain references or sarcastic remarks, because she GETS me!! And if any of you don't get what I'm saying, well, just go ask my sister to explain it to you.

So here I am actually writing something and wishing I had a magic pill that would enable to me to be more disciplined in my writing. I like that Ree tells me I can be varied in my topics. I had read somewhere that a "successful" blog has a point and a purpose and a focus - and I kept trying to figure out what my "niche" was. Now I feel like someone has been given me a free pass to be myself!! Woohoo!! After all this is MY blog, Kathy's blog, and it should represent Kathy. And I am not always the same person every single day. There are times when I do have a focus and a purpose and times when I just need to blow off steam and times when I just wonder strange random thoughts and was just too self-conscious to make them public. I'm going to work on that - the being too self-conscious part. If you don't like what I write go find another blog to read. So there.

So, back to wanting a magic pill.....I think that I sometimes sabotage myself with images of what a "perfect" blogger does, so I just want myself to know that I am NOT promising to be a more consistent blogger. Whew, that really takes a lot of pressure off!!

So, my thanks to Ree Drummond for the inspiration. We'll see what happens from here on out!

Learning to Be OCD

2010-07-14T11:09:00.000-06:00

Okay, I know that OCD usually has negative connotations and most folks who have such a disorder have to learn to compensate for it in some manner. So you might think it somewhat strange that someone would consider striving to achieve this condition. Well, okay - it seems strange to me, too, but here's why: my life is a bit too far into the random zone. Admittedly there is an argument for spontaneity and leaving yourself room to be flexible. My problem is that these characteristics have taken over to the point of causing extreme stress and chaos and heartache in my household.

So...after ANOTHER major emotional meltdown awhile ago I found myself on the floor of my disheveled living room wiping away tears as I prayed. Looking back it really was a very lovely pity party. "Why, God, why can't I function as other mature rational adults seem to? Why is it that I struggle with deadlines and simple household chores and taking care of my kids and pets and don't even get me started on my husband?" Basically I was asking -again- the age old question of "Why me?" I just knew that another missed deadline or lost school assignment or past-due notice would put me even farther over the emotional crisis edge-as if I wasn't already there. Chaos is self-perpetuating. One after another simple screwed-up event had multiplied to become a household in total disarray, with finances askew, disgruntled children, a frustrated husband, and a distraught wife. Flat-out, I had had enough. Something needed to be different and I was ready to do ANYTHING to make that happen. Granted, I'd thought I had reached this point in the past - several times actually-only to find myself in the same disorganized rut all too soon. This time, though, I'm pretty sure I felt a somewhat different kind of hope. After so many tries and failures at getting my life back on track I had a long list of ways NOT to succeed. Maybe what was left were options that might actually work!!

I have long been a fan of the FlyLady. Her website is http://www.flylady.net and she is my hero. She has a wonderful testimony about how she came to the be the FlyLady. The FlyLady promotes learning good habits to organize your life and NOT beating yourself up for not getting it right. F.L.Y. stands for Finally Loving Yourself. In my renewed journey to get my act together I turned to her to get me going in the right direction. FlyLady promotes babysteps - and you must take those one at a time.

Even though everything facing me seemed overwhelming, I could only handle one thing at a time. So, I decided to start with learning a good daily routine. I knew that this time I had to involve my family as much as possible. My girls have been very supportive. My husband-well, let's say the kids and I are going to have to win him over. Even after 22-years of marriage we still have different ideas on how things should be done. One of the drawbacks of two bossy oldest children marrying each other.

Learning good daily habits - simple things like making your bed when you get up, eating breakfast (don't laugh), checking your calendar for what's happening when, actually looking at the list you made to help you remember what you need to do that day, brushing your teeth before you go to bed. The FlyLady encourages us to have everyday lists that include all the basic things you do - no matter how mundane. It's scary how well she gets me sometimes. But at the same time it's also very reassuring to know that I am not alone. If I were, the FlyLady's website would not be as popular as it is! The kids and I are practicing this in the summer. My hope is that by the time school hits we'll be ready to tackle the added events school entails. Things like homework deadlines, school events, when lunch money is due, having our backpacks loaded and in the same location to avoid last minute rushing in the morning to find everything we need so were not late...again panics. I'm somewhat nervous about all this, but we really are doing much better so far!! And I love that FlyLady stresses not letting yourself wallow in feeling behind. Just jump in where you are now and get busy!!

Learning good daily habits may not be the definition of OCD - but for me it's close. And the nice thing is that it's working. My stress level had been much lower, my house is in better shape than it's been in quite some time. My kids like eating regular meals (don't laugh). I still have much to conquer, but I have faith that we're going to be okay - one baby step at a time.

Win a Kitchen Aid Mixer!!

2010-06-14T13:34:00.000-06:00

It's red - and cool - and free to the winner! Check out this link to Saving Dinner's contest for a Kitchen Aid mixer. Found this through a post on The Flylady's Facebook page. Saving Dinner and the Flylady are two of my favorite sites - they have helped to change my life when it comes to taking care of my house and feeding my family! So - go enter the contest - and good luck!!

I got a comment!!!

2010-03-24T11:08:00.000-06:00

Okay, so one of the things I always wonder as an amateur/infrequent/sporadic blogger is if anyone ever reads what I post. After all - that is one of the reasons for bothering to type something up and send it on its way through the world wide web - at least it is for me. I know there must be some authors who write because they want/need to write and whether anyone reads their stuff or not is not such a big deal. I don't know any of them, though.

So, on the rare occasion that I get actual proof of someone reading my posts - I get excited. And last week I had a "celebrity" comment on my blog post titled "Flunking Lent". Yes, Susan from 5 Minutes for Mom posted a comment on my blog. I was so ecstatic that I squealed like my daughters do when they are excited. You see Susan - if you don't already know - is a PRO in the blogging world. And I am not. I love the site she and her sister run. I found them last year when I stumbled across a link to something called the 2009 Ultimate Blog Party. It was so much fun! They offered prizes (I won one!!!) and the opportunity to visit other blog sites and places to list yours to bring others to check you out. Talk about an awesome networking/fun opportunity. I'm guessing Susan happened upon my blog because I Tweeted that they are planning The Ultimate Blog Party 2010. So, in truth she may just have been doing the pro thing by following up on those of us who where sharing the #UBP10 on Twitter - but I don't care!! Thanks, Susan, for taking the effort to write out a couple of short sentences on my post - you made my week!!!

I noticed on another blog that the author made a point of asking for comments on her blog posts. She said that comments were her love language. That hit home with me - because the truth is Susan's comment isn't the only one that has put me on the Blogger Cloud Nine. Anytime, my sister comment's (she is my most faithful reader - thanks, Jeanette, I love you!!) I am thrilled. And the few times anyone else has made the effort to let me know that they stopped by have been great.

I know that there is a potential downside to seeking a response to my posts. There could be blog scrooges out there just waiting to ruin my day by commenting negatively. That's part of the beauty of screening my comments before allowing them to be published. If you want to have a decent discussion/argument/disagreement about an opinion of mine then I'm up for that. If you just want to be rude or ugly - you'll have to go somewhere else.

So, if you didn't get the hint after reading this - leave me a comment!! I love conversation - even in short small bursts and you will definitely make my day a good one!!

Flunking Lent

2010-03-17T10:50:00.000-06:00

I'm think I am flunking Lent. I know I am not Catholic, so I'm not as versed as I probably should be in proper Lent practices, but I'm pretty certain if you can flunk Lent, then I'm doing it. That is hard to admit for someone who generally got A's & and a few B's in school. (We aren't counting my statistics class.)

It all seemed so simple on Ash Wednesday. I knew Lent was approaching - we'd been talking about it in church. My church actually holds TWO Ash Wednesday services - one at noon and one in the evening on Ash Wednesday. If it is worth two services in the same day for a kick-off - then Lent MUST be important, right? I had even discussed with my two daughters about what they had thought about giving up during Lent. Chocolate and Candy were at the top of their lists.

I really wanted to do something meaningful. Something that could give this Lenten season even more significance. After all - part of the point of doing something/giving something up during Lent is to make it different from the rest of the year. As Christians we are approaching Easter. And it only seems right that we give this season the special attention it deserves. I have some friends who don't want to "institutionalize" their faith, so they refuse to give up or do anything different during Lent. I kind of feel sorry for them. I think it is good for me to, at least once a year, intentionally be reminded of what Christ did for me back on the cross. So, I figured that whatever I chose had to be something that would not be easy for me.

After much consideration I decided to try some obedience in an area of my life that needs great improvement. The particular area I decided to focus on during Lent is how I handle my personal paperwork. You know, the mail that comes in every day, bills that have to be paid, the constant never ending stream of notes that come home from my daughters' teachers, and the like. My "old method" was the "Let's pile them on a corner of the dining table until the stack topples over and spills all over the floor and we scoop up the stack and hide it in the bedroom" method. At least I always knew that if I needed to find a piece of paper it was either on the table or in the stack in my room. For Lent I was going to dedicate 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week, to dealing with these papers.

Week one: I started off with much zeal and many good intentions. I loved looking at my dining room table and NOT seeing the usual stack of papers. This was going to be much easier than I thought.

Week two: I realized that I had skipped two days of handling paperwork and there was a small stack beginning to take root. I quickly dealt with it and vowed to be better in the future.

Week three: Rough week. Maybe tackled the papers twice this week.

Week four: It has been exactly four weeks since Ash Wednesday and when I stumbled out into my kitchen to start the coffee a growing pile of papers was on the table this morning mocking me. I kid you not - they were mocking me. DARING me to try and move them from the table - and not just into the bedroom. I wondered if my friends who won't "institutionalize" Lent may be smarter than I was giving them credit for. Briefly I fantasized about throwing the entire stack into the garbage or better yet - setting it on fire and roasting marshmallows. But the thought that somewhere in that stack was a permission slip I needed to sign and send back to school with my daughter stopped me. I didn't want to have to ask (again) for another slip from her teacher. Instead, I sorted through the stack, threw away the junk mail, found the confounded permission slip, signed it, put it into said daughter's back-pack, and set the bills aside to be paid. All in all - it took less than 15 minutes.

It was then that a ray of hope began to break through the black cloud that had been forming over my head after the first mocking taunts from the now non-existent pile of papers. Not one slip had ended up in my bedroom! And, thinking back to the past four weeks I realized that the pile in the bedroom has been slowly dwindling even with my sporadic filing because just the daily influx of papers doesn't take up my entire 15 minutes of filing. And-there are still two weeks of Lent left!! Maybe, just maybe, with God's help, by the time Lent is over I will have managed to develop the good habit of handling my papers in a more timely manner than when I started. And considering how difficult it is for me to make this change in my life I'll be ecstatic if I get a "C" for Lent this year. Just like I was ecstatic for a C in that statistics class in college. (The 2nd time I took it.)

I Won!!

2010-02-25T10:23:00.002-07:00

God is pretty cool. I entered Lifeway's All Access contest to win Margeret Feinberg's Scouting the Divine: Searching for God in Wine, Wool, and Wild Honey!! - and I won!!! It's very exciting and I'm looking forward to journeying through this study with my adult Sunday School class after Lent!! Thank you, Lifeway - may your ministry continue to glorify God and bless others as I have been blessed!!

Win a FREE Scouting the Divine Bible Study Kit!

2010-01-11T13:13:00.002-07:00

Here's an opportunity to win a free Bible Study kit!

Check out this link from Lifeway's All Access! Follow the steps to participate and you, too, could have the chance to win Margeret Feinberg's Scouting the Divine: Searching for God in Wine, Wool, and Wild Honey!!

2010-Decade in Review

2010-01-07T12:52:00.003-07:00

I have seen several other friends on Facebook and in emails give a synopsis of the last decade and thought, "What a neat idea - I should do that!" And a little voice in my head - "Yeah, and try to get it done before the NEXT decade begins." I will always be in procrastination recovery and so it is with great pride that I get to this task before I am 10 DAYS into the new decade - much less 10 years!!

2000 - we lived in Roselle, IL. Cody was in the 4th grade and Kati was in preschool. Terry worked for a couple of higher education firms as vice-pres of admissions and such. I worked as a PreK teacher for a Christian daycare/preschool. Not a field I'd ever anticipated, but it allowed me the opportunity to work around kids & school and have time at home with my family.

2001 - disasterous year for the Sanfords. We moved in June to Cerritos, CA and spent six LLLOOOOONNNGGG agonizing months experiencing life too close to Los Angeles, job loss, our first time being the minority in a community that was 90% Korean. My kids were lonely, I was lonely, Terry was struggling to make the right decisions for supporting his family. God had much to teach us in California and I needed Him more there than I ever had before in my life. (I feel I must say not all of our California experience was bad - we did make some wonderful friends - but overall it is way up on my list of things I do NOT want to ever have to go through again.) Top it off with 9-11 - and well, there's just not much else to say.

2002 - Somehow seemingly miraculously we found ourselves back in Wyoming!! I was so grateful to be back in my home state I didn't even care that we had ended up in Cheyenne. We finally were able to get the dog our girls had been begging for, Terry was working for the National Guard, I got a job with a lawfirm part-time. Cody started 6th grade and Kati started Kindergarten and for the first and probably only times in their lives my two kids were in the same school.

2003 - Bought our 1st home in Cheyenne!! Added 2nd dog that I am still having to apologize for. Terry and I still with the same employment. Overall a rather calm year for our household.

2004 - At the age of 36 I gave birth to my third daughter. This really threw me for a loop, because in my mind we were done having children. Obviously God had different ideas!! In no time at all my memories of life with only two kids were fuzzy and it seemed impossible to imagine what life without Tori as a part of it was ever like. I cut my work hours down to next to nothing and for the first time was able to stay home with my new baby. I didn't know it at the time but I met one of my lifelong best friends at church as she was leading an adult Sunday school class.

2005 - Two great departures. My dear friend Tobi moved to Utah as her husband was transferred with the Air Force. My husband shipped halfway around the world to Afghanistan as he began what was to be 14 months of deployment with Army National Guard. Fortunately before she left Tobi introduced me to my next bestest friend Rhonda by ordering me to join a ladies bible study. I could not have dealt with that year without the support I found in that circle of sisters.

2006 - After thinking I would never have a son (at least not before one of my girls got married) - Terry sent me one from Afghanistan. We took a leap of faith and invited the young man who had been his interpreter during his deployment to come live with us and have the chance to go to an American college. Right from the first moment he ever spoke to me over the phone Najib has called me "Mom." His own Afghan father told him that to really succeed in a new country he did not need mere "hosts" - he needed a family. I am so glad that Najib took his father's advice. He quickly worked his way into the hearts of his adopted family. It is only truly with God's help that we were able to integrate a young Muslim male into our predominantly female Christian family - and make it work.

2007 - This year was dominated by lots of medical visits and trips to Ft. Carson for Terry as he worked through injuries to his knee and ankle that he had received in Afghanistan. A tough one because for the first time in his life he was forced to admit that he had physical limitations. This did not happen quickly or easily for him - those of you who know him, know that he has something of a stubborn streak. We bought our 2nd house and moved to a new neighhborhood. I started going back to work a few more hours each week when Tori started preschool. Kati is not happy to be starting 5th grade in new school - she's my girl who never likes change!! Cody started driving. Lots of praying in our home - at least by me!

2008 - Terry ended up retiring after over 27 years with the military. Kati is somewhat more resigned to her "new school" as a 6th grader. Cody began her senior year and Najib left us to move first to Oregon and then eventually back to Afghanistan as he got a job with an American firm as an interpreter. My sadness at his leaving is helped somewhat by having another Afghan interpreter and his whole family move to Cheyenne. Life just wouldn't be the same without all of them calling me "Mom."

2009 - My "milestone" year with all of my girls. Cody insisted on becoming a college freshman and moved to Laramie. Kati started 7th grade and entered the hormonally packed world of junior high. And Tori started Kindergarten. Tori was not happy that Cody left - especially after Najib had already done so. It helps that Cody is not all that far away and we do get to see her occasionally!! Don't know what we'll do when it's Kati's turn to go!! Fortunately we have a few years to figure that out.

2010 - And here we are - one week into the new decade. I would never have imagined my life to be where it is now. This makes me even more unable to have any idea where the next 10 years will lead. I know that there are things I would like to see happen so I will borrow from my dearest friend Rhonda and say this: "Lord, this is what I desire. Please do it or something better!" Amen."

Sites I Found Recently That I Liked or Found Interesting

2009-11-19T12:03:00.002-07:00

I know it is shocking that I am posting something here again - after all I wrote another post just YESTERDAY. I must say I am rather impressed with myself..

I was thinking about some sites I ran across in my Emailing/Facebooking/Twittering adventures and I said to myself, "Maybe you should list them on your blog - that might be interesting." And usually that is as far as it goes when I have these inspirational thoughts. But not today - no, I am going to actually put a few of them in this post and try to hit the publish button before something comes along to distract my attention.

What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff? by Shane Claiborne is an article that really made me think. Maybe it will do the same for you.

Is Social Media a Fad?A blog post by Cherle Hemmerle with United Methodist Communications. There is a link in her post to this video on YouTube - Social Media Revolution

1000 Awesome Things - I just thought this site was fun to scroll through.

Churches Doing Twitter Wrong: Churches can do Twitter Well- interesting to me because I help do my Church's Facebook & Twitter pages.

And there you have it!!

Thoughts on Being Thankful Everyday

2009-11-18T11:05:00.003-07:00

I got inspired on November 9th by a post on Facebook that said this:

Every day this month until Thanksgiving, think of one thing that you are thankful for and post it as "Today I am thankful for..." The longer you do it, the harder it gets! If you think you can do it then repost this message as your status to invite others to take the challenge, then post what YOU are thankful for today.

I remember thinking, "What a great idea! This will help give me & my friends good motivation to remember how blessed we are." I also remember thinking that it won't be hard at all to think of just one thing each day that I am thankful for. After all, I have soooo much in my life that is worthy of offering thanks for, right? Yeah, well, as the infamous THEY say, "Famous last words...."

As usual I started off easily enough. My first "I am thankful" post simply said I was thankful for coffee. It was on a Monday and for some reason my need for and appreciation of coffee is greater on Mondays than most other days of the week. And I know that I have many Twitter & Facebook friends who are also coffee lovers, so they would appreciate it. After that I was thankful for Bible study friends, Veterans on Veteran's Day, Family...oh, yes, this isn't hard!!

The next day it suddenly wasn't easy to think of a Thankful post. I was busy and had a lot on my mind and was very tempted to just skip it. Somehow I couldn't let it go, though, and kept fretting about it in the back of my mind. It was the day I took my husband to the hospital in Ft. Collins for outpatient surgery on his knee. I thought about posting how thankful I was for health insurance coverage that would cover his surgery and got distracted thinking about the healthcare debates on the news and friends I have who don't have insurance and would it seem insensitive to them if I waved our good fortune in their faces? And, then, I was resentful of feeling bad for being so blessed. I finally posted that I was thankful for wireless internet access. There - that should be safe enough, right? Although, there are folks who don't have ANY internet access and certainly not something as extravagent as wireless internet access. Good grief, sometimes life is so much easier when I try not to think so much.

Truthfully I really was thankful for wireless internet access. I had several hours to fill while Terry was in surgery and the weather was yucky. It was wonderful to have my laptop, a cup of coffee (already been thankful for that!), no work or kids to distract me, and sit in a warm & cozy waiting room while working on a website project that had been neglected for awhile. I was in heaven!!

Rather that succumb again to my own inflicted pressure to be profound and inspiring without being too mushy, or irreverent or offensive (how much havoc could I wreck by saying I was thankful for Republicans? or Democrats? I have friends in both arenas!!), I have since tried not to over analyze what my daily "Thankful" posts should be. I was right in my first reaction to this challenge - I do have much in my life to be thankful for. Health insurance - yes, I am VERY thankful for this, Chocolate is another thing, my cell phone, our insane cockatiel, fuzzy socks, a God who gives 2nd chances - often 3rd, 4th, 5th, or more chances!!, Cheyenne's wind that cuts down on pollution, my favorite tv shows, good books, snuggle time with my girls, snuggle time with my husband, unexpected phone calls from dear friends, a child's laughter, fresh snow - I could go WAY past the date of Thanksgiving with all that I have to be grateful for.

Knowing all that I am blessed with does not mean that my life is always carefree and happy. Sadly no, I am inflicted with the same human existence that everyone else has. God is teaching me - somewhat slowly, because I tend to be a stubborn learner, that even in the toughest times there is much in life that is good. And it is OKAY to be thankful for the good He has given me!! I am grateful for that. After all, what is good in my life is from God and that is more proof that He is always with me no matter what. His constant presence is undoubtedly the biggest thing I am thankful for every single day.

Going Pink for October

2009-10-01T09:20:00.002-06:00

Somehow I found the Boobiethon folks on the web and ended up following them on Twitter. They have a unique way of showing support for women and the cause against breast cancer. If you want to know what I'm talking about then check out their website at http://boobiethon.com/.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and folks with a website and/or blog site can show their support by "Going Pink for October" - this site http://pinkforoctober.org/gives some information on how you can "Go Pink" and other ways to show your support.

Now if you are a woman or have women in your life that you love - go encourage to them to do their monthly breast examination! The Boobiethon folks will be cheering for you and so will I.

Blogger ADHD & stuff to whine about

2009-09-14T10:17:00.009-06:00

Oooo, I wonder what's down this trail???

I've decided I have a form of ADHD known as Blogger ADHD. This is because too often I sit down with the intention of writing on my blog and get distracted. I'll pull up my blog site and see my list of blogs I like to follow and think, "Oh, I should see what So and So has to say today and click on her blog." On her site she'll have something else interesting linked to another site. So I click there. This will lead me even further astray and before I know it I've gone from sitting down to write about my daughter leaving for college to reading about how successful someone else has been at creating a home-based business and is known internationally and is so in demand that she had to hire a personal assistant. Now I am thoroughly depressed and my time has run out and I have to go do something everyday and mundane like pick-up my kids from school because I don't have a personal assistant to do that while I am busy being terribly successful running my internet-based-blog business.

Mom's School Bus.

Okay, truthfully, I really don't want anyone else picking up my kids from school. I still have two at home who haven't abandoned me for college. That's why I work two part-time jobs and try to arrange my schedule so that I CAN be available before & after school and go to volleyball games and piano recitals and dental appointments and fun stuff like that. Well, not that the dental appointments are fun, but you get the picture.

And sometimes I have deep profound thoughts that I would like to share, but my Blogger ADHD kicks in when I try to type them up, too. We just had an amazing experience in Cheyenne this weekend at the God of this City conference. But you probably won't hear about it from me because as I sat down to write about it I started whining about what a hard time blogging has been for me.

I think Blogger ADHD could be related to Journaling ADHD. For years I've been encouraged to journal by teachers, friends, and others. And that has not been a terribly successful venture for me, either. And in the meantime all these terrific thoughts and experiences go streaming through my mind and out into the oblivion that is my increasingly jumbled & inaccurate memory. (No comments about age, please....)

I choose to blame Blogger/Journaling ADHD for my inability to put fingers to keyboard (my modern version of putting pen to paper - rather clever don't you think?). It certainly could not be the product of an overly busy life or lack of discipline or focus, because then I might actually be able to do something about it and that would put responsibility back on my shoulders and I just want my problems to be someone/something else's fault. It's so much easier that way.

Okay - just had to get that off my chest. It remains to be seen if God chooses to help me heal my Blogger ADHD or not. Because, yes, this rant is a cry out to the only One who can truly help me change myself. I'm a bit scared that it might be similar to praying for patience. If you've ever done that then you know why I am nervous!!

I'll do my best to keep you updated - right after I check out this other blog.....

15 Books

2009-08-06T22:50:00.002-06:00

Here are the rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. They don't have to be the greatest books you've ever read, just the ones that stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes. Copy these instructions and tag 15 ( or more) friends, including me - because I'm interested in seeing what books are in your head.

1. Bible

2. Little Women

3. Calm My Anxious Heart

4. The Jesus I Never Knew

5. 3 Simple Rules

6. Farhenheit 451

7. Lord of the Rings Series

8. Narnia Series

9. Harry Potter - All of them

10. Deryni Rising

11. Velvet Elvis

12. Eldest

13. Beka Cooper

14. The Case for Christ

15. A Generous Orthodoxy

20 year Update

2009-07-24T12:12:00.002-06:00

****20 YEARS AGO (1989)*****

1) How old were you? 21

2) Who were you dating? Married for 1 year to Terry

3) Where did you work? Part-time: Washakie Cafeteria Full-time: Student at University of Wyoming

4) Where did you live? Laramie, WY

5) Where did you hang out? Home

6) Did you wear contacts or glasses? Contacts during the day, glasses when I first got up in the morning. (Still do that!)

7) Who were your best friends? Jeanette & Michele

8) How many tattoos did you have? 0

9) How many piercings did you have? 2 holes in each ear

10) What kind of car did you drive? Dodge Colt

11) Had you been to a real party? Yes

12) Had your heart broken? YES

13) Were you single/taken/married/divorced? Married

14) Any kids? No

****15 YEARS AGO (1994)****

1) How old were you? 26

2) Who were you dating? Still Married to Terry

3) Where did you work? Natrona County Circuit Court

4) Where did you live? Casper, WY

5) Where did you hang out? Home

6) Did you wear contacts and/or glasses? Contacts during the day, glasses when I first got up in the morning. (Still do that!)

7) Who were your closest friends? Jeanette

8) How many tattoos did you have? None

9) How many piercings did you have? Still 2 holes in ears

10) What kind of car did you drive? Dodge Colt

11) Had you been to a real party? Do kids' birthday parties count?

12) Had you had your heart broken? Not over romance, but other life events

13) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Still Married

14) Any Kids? 1

***10 YEARS AGO (1999)***

1) How old were you? 31

2) Who were you dating? Still Married to Terry

3) Where did you work? Trinity Lutheran Preschool

4) Where did you live? Roselle, IL

5) Where did you hang out? Home

7) Who were your best friends? Jeanette

8) How many tattoos did you have? None

9) How many piercings did you have? Same 2 holes in ears

10) What kind of car did you drive? Hyundai Elantra

11) Had your heart broken? Life - ya know

12) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Still Married

13 Any Kids? 2 kids

***5 YEARS AGO (2004)***

1) How old were you? 36

2) Who were you dating? Still Married

3) Where did you work? Fitzgerald Law Firm

4) Where did you live? Cheyenne, WY

5) Where did you hang out? Home

7) Who were your best friends? Jeanette, Rhonda, Tobi

8) How many tattoos did you have? None

9) How many piercings did you have? Still 2 in each ear

10) What kind of car did you drive? Dodge Grand Caravan

11) Had your heart broken? Just life

12) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? Still Married

13 Any Kids? 3

****TODAY (2009)****

1) How old are you? 41

2) Where do you work? Fitzgerald Law Firm

3) Where did you live? Cheyenne, WY

4) Do you still keep in touch with your old friends? Oh, yes, even reconnected with some others through FB! Jeanette - always, Michele-one of the few good things about high school!, Rhonda & Tobi - amazing sisters God sent me, Carla-a long distance friend for decades, some things time just can't erase.

5) How many tattoos did you have? 0

6) How many piercings did you have? Still same 2 in each ear

7) What kind of car do you drive? Dodge Grand Caravan

8) Were you Single/Taken/Married/Divorced? still married!

9) Any Kids? 3

Introducing my 1st Guest Blogger - Cody Sanford

2009-07-20T10:23:00.005-06:00

Cody is my oldest daughter. She just graduated from high school where one of her main activities was participating in Speech and Debate. This last year she qualified for the National Speech & Debate competitions in Oratory and CX. You debate types will know CX stands for cross-examination. If you still don't know what type of debate that is then you'd better Google it. I just know that she and her CX partner did well and were fun to watch in meets. You see, my daughter is extremely talented and smart and gifted. And, I, her mother, am not. I'm okay with that, though. I thoroughly enjoy being the proud mom even while secretly wondering if this amazing creature who calls me Mom was somehow switched at birth. On the off chance that she really is mine I say a prayer of thanks every day that God brought her into my life. I know that it is only through His intervention that she has turned out as amazingly well as she has.

So, enough gushing over my baby. Let's get to the point of this post. I asked Cody if she would be willing to let me post her Oratory speech on my blog - because it is wonderful!! And, you don't have to just take MY very biased word for it. Obviously it must have held some merit for others or she wouldn't have qualified for Nationals with it. Of course, it would be much better if you could actually watch her present it in person, but I never got a video tape and she probably wouldn't have let me post one if I did.

So, now, please enjoy this guest post from my daughter, Cody Sanford. (You may hold your applause until the end.)
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Cody Sanford
Cheyenne East High School
Original Oratory
April 27, 2009

Beyond the Box

When I was in first grade, I remember recess as being a very sacred block of time, and I always used that time very wisely doing the same things. Slides first, then monkey bars, and then swings. It was a routine that was not allowed to be changed, however that spring they put in a new piece of equipment - A balance beam, with little rings to hold onto as you went across. And I was fascinated by them because they were new and AWESOME. I was scared, but I put my foot down, and went for it. The first thing I did: fall off and scrape my knee. But I was proud of that scar because it proved that I went for it, and the next morning I fought with my mom that I could not wear tights and a skirt because I needed to show it to my friends.

As I begin to grow older, I can see that so many of us are becoming so entrenched in our daily lives that we’re losing that sense of wonder in new things, and in reality that means a sense of the world beyond just ourselves. We can see the world that we live in, but how many of us have an idea about the world beyond? What would happen if we were to look at that world? Marshall McLuhan once said, “Once you can see the boundaries of your environment, they are no longer the boundaries of your environment.” Once you’re willing to put one foot forward toward trying something new, it then becomes a part of you, and your limits are pushed that much further. So, we need to push the envelope. First, we need to consider our boundaries today and what we lose by never looking beyond them, then we’ll look at the possibilities of the world beyond, and finally we’ll discover some of the ways to get there. But what if you’re saying to yourself, “I like the world I’m in? What if I don’t want to change?”

The truth is there’s nothing wrong with being happy with the way things are. It’s much better to be happy than not, but there’s always room to be curious. Too many of us spend too much time doing what we’re supposed to do, or expected to do, rather than what we’d actually like to be doing. We’re given a simple list of instructions: graduate high school, go to college, get a job, work. Now, that’s not a bad plan, if you find something that you love to do, but according to a 2005 study conducted by the Conference Board less than half of Americans are satisfied with their jobs. The Mayo Clinic recognizes this trend and says that some of its causes could simply be that for many people work is boring or it doesn’t match their skills and interests.

That may seem decadent to say in a time of economic turmoil, when unemployment is climbing and we are being told that the few things that we understand could be crashing down around us. But out of the darkest of times bloom some of the greatest opportunities. But when you hit rock bottom, the only place you have to go is up - so make it a new direction that you control. If you never even try to find something new, what you have now is all you’re ever going to get.
When things seem difficult, it may seem easy to become apathetic and accept the mentality there’s nothing I can do about it. But our curiosities and our discovery are too important to allow that to happen. We’ve become resigned to the monotonous duties of things we have to do, rather than discussing our latest discoveries of what we’d like to do. This trend of apathy is eliminating our curiosity and stifling our innovation. Paul Takayanagi, a holistic gerontologist at the University of California, Berkeley, states that rather than suppressing our natural curiosity, we should be encouraging it.

After all, that’s the way we learn as children, is it not? To a 2-year-old, everything is fascinating and they are willing to explore EVERYTHING. They are willing to try new foods – like play-doh and dirt. They’re not afraid to explore new places – like the top of the fridge. (No seriously, that was my sister.)For some reason we grow out of that natural curiosity, but Mr. Takayanagi says if we were to inspire it, we can prevent dementia later on in life.

What happens when we look at the rest of the world? When I was in second grade, my teacher wouldn’t let us ask, “What if?” questions. She said it wasted too much time. But I don’t think I’ve ever disagreed with anything more. Now more than ever is the time to ask, “What if I want to try something new?” and the truth is you don’t know what will happen. But that’s what makes stepping out of your box worthwhile. Dr. Michael Ungar, a professor at Dalhousie University in Nova Scotia, says, “To grow, we need to experience challenges.” “By bubble-wrapping our lives, we may inadvertently be taking away opportunities to experience the building blocks of physiological growth” It’s scary to step out of your comfort zone, but for many of us, that’s what we need to do the most, because on the other side of that fear awaits opportunity.

Growing up, my parents always told me that if I encounter something new I need to give it a chance and try it at least once. If I don’t like it in the end, at least I know for sure. Many times, this was applied to food. My dad is an excellent cook, but an experimental one, and not everything ends up tasting great. But on the flip side, I’m glad that I’ve discovered that I have a very wide palate, and that it does not include cantaloupe, French toast, or Middle Eastern fermented milk. It’s a mentality that I’ve tried to carry with me to other areas, and last year when I had the opportunity to be an exchange student in Finland, I jumped at the chance. It was something new that would bring new things to try. However, as I was preparing for my trip I began to second guess myself. This is a place 9 time zones away, with a language I’ve never heard (much less know how to speak), and a completely different environment. “Why am I doing this?” But in the middle of this internal debate I got an e-mail from my host sister, Noora. We began to write back and forth (always in English – she at least knows some English as opposed to my Finnish) and before I’d even met her, I was able to realize that Noora may come from a different place, but deep down she’s a teenage girl too. We had similar tastes in music, did similar activities, and shared a passionate distaste for cantaloupe. Just talking to her helped me to overcome my fear and realize that people are people no matter where I would go.

Dr, Ungar says that this is the approach we need to take when we encounter something new. He says, “The best learning happens just beyond our comfort zone.” To psychologists, this is “the zone of proximal development.” Research has shown that those who enter that zone are more likely to feel accepted, responsible, trustworthy, and capable. I know I won’t forget the sinking pit in my stomach, when Noora had me try black sausage dipped in jelly – a local delicacy. However in hindsight I can say that I’m thankful that I’ve tried it, and in the future I will be able to say with confidence and with good reason, “Ei, kiitos.” No thank you in Finnish.

Beyond the social benefits of stepping outside your box, neuroscientists have proven that it is a fun thing to do. New, challenging, and risky activities release dopamine – a feel-good neurotransmitter. In addition to the initial dopamine release, the Journal National Academy of Sciences reported in 2005 that when you find and practice something that makes you happy, you have less of the stress hormone cortisol, a lower heart rate, and less of the blood clotting factor fibrinogen. Who would’ve known that our bodies are made to reward us for trying new things?
Whether people are happy or not with their cycle of their daily routine, they stick with it because it’s familiar. You don’t have to change the world to be happy, but open up by doing something new for yourself. Take a different route to school or work, order something new in your favorite restaurant, or do I dare say sleep on the other side of the bed. Why not? These little acts of everyday habit are what create our comfort zone, and by going beyond them, we expand our boundaries and open up more to the rest of the world.

Once you’ve allowed yourself to ask, “What if?” it’s time to move one step beyond that, and ask yourself “Why not?” The people that we celebrate in history are the people who were willing to leave their comfort zones and show the world something new. We live here today because the pilgrims risked everything they had to come to a new world – they said why not?, Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr. could have stayed at home within their comfort zone, but chose to say why not? History does not reward apathy. It is only after great risk, that we achieve great reward.

Why not try something new? At worst it fails, you fall down and get a scratch – but then at least you have a story to share. We live in the country with some of the greatest opportunities for discovery in the world, but in order to take advantage of them, we need to lose our habit of apathy, reach out, and hold on.

Looking for a new lighted ceiling fan

2009-07-09T13:24:00.008-06:00

Yes - we are looking for a new ceiling fan. Why, you might ask? The fact that we need a new one since the formally perfectly good one isn't perfectly good anymore is...my husband's fault. Yes, that's it. Well, it might be because I am not super-mom, which I knew, but evidently forgot for a brief insane moment.

Since my DH could be standing behind me with his arms crossed and a frown on his face - I don't actually want to turn around in case I'm right - I'd better tell the whole story.

It all started when my DH decided to have our oldest daughter clean the globes on a couple of the ceiling fan lights we have in our house. It is his mission to make sure that our children do not dither away their entire summer vacation in frivolous fun. It's true, just ask our daughters how overworked they've been since school got out. Anyway, with Dad's help, my oldest DD managed to get all the globes off of the dining room ceiling fan except one. You wouldn't think one small globe of a light fixture could cause so much trouble - but this one did. I came home from work to find the ceiling fan in this state - all globes but one in the sink to be washed. No one was around to explain why there was one globe left on the light and I didn't think to ask if there was a reason one globe was still attached. I don't know what I thought, but what I did was get up on the dining room table and proceed to attempt to remove said globe. I twisted, and twisted, and twisted - and it didn't come off. I tried another hold - it still didn't come off. I managed to get it partially off and hanging by a wire and it still wouldn't completely come off. At this point my oldest DD came up the stairs from the basement. She got a look of great concern on her face as she said, "Um, Mom, Dad said to leave that one alone because it is stuck and we'll end up breaking some of the wires if we're not careful." I experienced a feeling of somewhat great concern myself as I looked at the condition the fixture was in after my attempts to remove the globe. In my infinite wisdom I just screwed it back into place and hopped down off the table.

Later that evening I flipped the switch to turn on the light and was going about my business when I noticed that there was the smell of something burning. I started asking my three girls if they smelled anything and began searching for the source of the smell. To my horror I found it when I looked up at the ceiling fan I had so confidently thought I could fix earlier and saw smoke pouring from the middle of the fixture. Immediately I hit the off-switch and my oldest DD & I said together, "We need tape!!" Ah, she understands so much. She knew as I did that if we didn't tape over the switch one of us would walk by without thinking and try to flip the light on again. Visions of my house burning down around me flashed through my head quickly followed by visions of explaining to my husband why the light switch was taped over. It's so much nicer when he's the one who screwed up and I can choose to be benevolent. It's not so nice when I'm the one who has to humbly admit I messed up - again. Darn it.

So we are looking for a new ceiling fan which may take awhile to replace since our discretionary budget was a bit stretched with our oldest DD's highschool graduation and various summer activities. In the meantime, I told my DH we could enjoy candlelight dinners and drudged up an old floor fan to keep the air circulating in that part of our house.

So, you can see that if my DH hadn't felt he could leave well enough alone and just let the dratted globes be dusty we wouldn't be in this situation. It has nothing to do with the fact that I assumed too quickly and didn't bother to communicate with the people responsible for the project of cleaning the globes in the first place.

That's my story - and I'm sticking to it.

And the world goes around....

2009-06-26T09:21:00.002-06:00

Here I am again - motivated by grief to try to put into words what I'm feeling-and knowing I'm rather inadequate to the task. Yesterday my husband and I learned that a very dear friend of his had passed away quite unexpectedly. We are still in shock. Don was young - only 48 years old-yet that meant nothing when he suffered a heart attack on June 24th. He was a single father of a beautiful 15-year-old daughter. They seemed to be very close. I can only image the pain of her loss.

After time and distance had separated Don and Terry, they reconnected a couple of years ago through the internet. When I made the leap into the Facebook community he was the first friend to welcome me. After that he was a constant source of laughter as I'd read his updates and comments to other friends. It was evident he loved life, he loved God, he loved his daughter and he lived each day to it's fullest. As my husband and I clung to each other in grief I said it felt rather strange for me to be crying over someone I'd never met in person myself. Yet Don meant a lot to my very best friend. That gave him an initial IN with me. And Don came to mean a lot to me through the encouragement he shared on the internet. Terry and I had hoped to be able to travel to Texas to visit with Don and Laura in person - someday. Oh, how cliche, how said, that our someday is not meant to happen on this earth. I just know that Heaven has to be a brighter place now that Don is there.

In the midst of this I was thrown on the other end of the emotional roller-coaster by my very soon-to-be 5-year-old daughter. That afternoon we had gone to the store and picked out treats for her to take to her preschool class to celebrate her birthday. If you don't have any young children in your life to share joyful occasions with like turning 5-years-old, I recommend you go make friends with one right now. There was something indescribable in her joy in picking out the perfect treat. She chose "those blueberry cupcakes we make at home, Mommy." I had to think a few minutes before I translated that into being the blueberry muffins we like to make for breakfast. Okay - it is her party after all. The discussion on what to drink was interesting as well. I suggested taking Ginger Ale and some cherries to make Shirley Temples. She was instant on choosing pink lemonade and "green" lemonade. Now to me the liter bottle she pointing to looked liked it held yellow lemonade, but my very opinionated daughter was certain it was green. I have learned through the experience of raising three strong-minded daugthers that there are some arguments not worth pursuing. I managed to get through choosing plates and napkins without too much conflict, by pulling the "I'm the Mommy - we're getting these or not getting any-card." I had to make sure we had enough for 20 kids. If only our budget would allow for the more expensive packet of 8 plates (x3 to have enough for 20 kids) with Disney princesses.

The best scene was driving her to preschool this morning. She had insisted on having all the birthday paraphernalia placed on the seat next to her. The muffins traveled in a box on the floor at her feet. Half-way there I heard her excited voice say, "Look at me, Mommy!" Glancing in the rear-review mirror I had to smile. She was enthroned on her carseat and had piled all of the plates, napkins, and liters of lemonade onto her lap and was holding them with a huge grin on her face. "My friends are going to love my treats!!" I was so tickled at her joy in sharing with her classmates. It didn't matter that she wasn't receiving any presents at this party. This was her opportunity to give to her friends and her joy was contagious.

As I left her at school I said a quick prayer of thanks to God for the amazing gift that my daughter is in my life. And I said another prayer of thanks for the gift that Don had been-even if only for a short time. My life would be so much less with having experienced either one.

Three Best Things in My Life

2009-05-27T12:10:00.004-06:00

Cody, Kati & Tori

Because a picture says more than a thousand words can.

Catching Up..Umm..Not gonna happen...

2009-05-08T12:50:00.008-06:00

Hello, Blogosphere Friends!

I honestly don't know where the time went and how it's been so long since I've made it a point to post something here. I don't have a good excuse - except that life has been sooooo busy!! I have to say it makes me feel better when I talk to other friends who say the same thing. Is it the time of year? In my case I have three daughters in school. It is the end of the school year and the schools seem to suddenly say, "Let's finish everything we haven't managed to complete over the previous 8 months in the last 30 days before summer break!!"

My oldest daughter is a senior who graduates in three weeks - aagghhhh!

My tween daughter is busy doing homework, participating in the school musical and driving everyone crazy with hormonal outbreaks.

My 4-year-old still thinks Mom is her favorite person in the whole wide world and thus wants to spend every single second at my side when she is not at preschool. Every Single Second. I remind myself that there will be a day when I will miss not having a little person pounding on the door when I can beat her to the bathroom or otherwise sitting on the edge of the bathtub keeping me company.

Groups at church are winding down and everyone wants one last get together before breaking for summer and they all want to plan them for the same day. Temperatures are warming up and yard work beckons. Did I mention my daughter is graduating? And we invited friends and family over. What were we thinking? Sometimes a check in the mail seem like it would have been plenty sufficient acknowledgment of her accomplishment. I'd have a hard time convincing her grandparents of that, though. They are ridiculously thrilled with the idea of coming to see their oldest grandchild graduate from high school.

Have I ever mentioned that I am prone to extreme sarcasm? Especially during times of great duress. I want to make it official that I love my oldest daughter and am so proud of her that I can't stand it. And I'm really looking forward to having tons of family and friends come to her graduation and the party afterwards because I love having them over.

I started helping to update my church's website which has been a fun learning experience, but also somewhat time consuming. I've always liked working with projects like this and am learning so much!! It's rather daunting, though, when every time I figure out one step I realize there are ten more that I still don't know!!

I was going to participate in 2nd Cup of Coffee's 30x5 Phase 2 Challenge. But I'm afraid all I earned this attempt at Phase 2 is this award:

I really need all the encouragement I can get to keep exercising AND watching what I eat, so I am going to keep trying Phase 2 until I can earn my actual cool cup award.

Whew, I feel better just getting all that off my chest!! Here's to losing my procrastinors-r-us mentality and focusing on blogging again sooner rather than later!!

Back Home Again!!

2009-04-14T14:34:00.006-06:00

We are back home from our Spring Break Trip to Washington, D.C. & relatives in Virginia. There's so much to tell I hardly know where to start. And I really don't have that much time to write at the moment because life has barrelled right along since we landed at DIA on Saturday afternoon.

This is how the last three days have gone - drive to Cheyenne, unpack, start laundry, dye Easter Eggs, reassure the dogs & the bird we were not leaving again, go to bed, get up for church, celebrate Easter with Grandma & Grandpa, reassure the dogs & the bird we were not leaving again, do more laundry, go to bed, get up and get kids to school - parents to work, visit friends for dinner, reassure the dogs and the bird we were not leaving again, get up and get kids to school - parents to work .... and suddenly it's Tuesday already - and tomorrow is Tax Day and I am a victim of procrastination.

Anyway, here are a couple of pics to share from our trip:

Took this from the Mall where we collapsed on the grass after walking our feet off at one of the Smithsonians.

Took this one of my three girls - Cody, Kati & Tori with my cousin Tammy. (Gotta love the 4-year-old's pose!) Tammy is one of those crazy people who lives in Virginia and commutes to DC for work. She made a terrific tour guide for our trip!!

So that's it for now - going to wade through taxes - hopefully the dogs and the bird are convinced we're staying home for awhile!

My Life, In Pictures. Day 5

2009-04-03T06:50:00.009-06:00

Here is my final post for Everything Except the Grill's Photo Challenge - My Life. In Pictures. Day 5

When I first started thinking of something old to take a picture of I was not feeling well since I've been fighting a spring cold and this was the oldest thing in my house I could think of for a picture:

(This is me taking my picture from my "good" side.)

Okay -I'm no Spring chicken - but I decided I could find something much older in my house. After all my husband does collect antiques - and I don't mean me!

After a bit of searching I found this:

This lovely fellow is a Mayan chocolate pot. The Mayans would make their equivalant of hot cocoa and serve it up in these lovely things. My daughters and I are not sure how we'd feel about drinking chocolate poured out of someone's kazoo - but my husband seems quite fond of him.

Thanks, Amber, for this opportunity! This Photo Challenge has been lots of fun!

My Life. In Pictures. Day 4

2009-04-02T13:38:00.005-06:00

Here is my post for Everything Except the Grill's Photo Challenge - My Life. In Pictures. Day 4

Something I do everyday - well, I spend too much time at the computer. I work in front of one and my laptop at home obviously gets very regular use. I decided to take a picture of my computer set up at work.

Not many could tell that you are actually looking at TWO computers and one monitor. I have both a PC in my office and a MacMini which sits on top of the PC. I can switch back and forth between them using the same monitor. Our office has used Macs since - well, since forever. Several years ago we started running into issues with documents and software that our Macs couldn't run - well, before they started making compatible software between the two. So, my bosses finally decided they would break down and get one PC for the office to alleviate the frustration. I was lucky one to get the PC since I actually had one at home as well. It's still runs well and makes me feel very tech-y and knowledgeable to have two computers going at once.

My Life. In Pictures. Day 3

2009-04-02T13:28:00.004-06:00

Here is my post for Everything Except the Grill's Photo Challenge - My Life. In Pictures. Day 3

Today we were supposed show a picture of what's outside our front door. Mine is not exactly exciting, so I figured I'd show the same not exactly exciting view from slightly different angles.

This is out the front door and slightly to the right:

And this is out the front door and slightly to the left:

Spring hasn't exactly found southeastern Wyoming yet - it's rather cold outside and the grass is barely beginning to think about turning green.

So that's that. Sorry if this is uninspiring - I have a cold and we are trying to get ready to go on vacation for Spring Break and I'm tired and just want to curl up and be ignored. Not sure why my husband and three daughters don't agree with this idea. something about sleeping in the car or on the plane - we know how resting that is.

Going to find hot tea and a cough drop and supervise the troops.

My Life. In Pictures. Day 2

2009-04-01T10:02:00.006-06:00

Here is my post for Everything Except the Grill's Photo Challenge - My Life. In Pictures. Day 2

Well, my first pick for this picture was a fairly simple one - just a bunch of grapes on our table for kids and grown-ups to snack on. Naturally it is surrounded by a pile of mail that my husband brought in and then left strewn on the table. We have an agreement that it stays on the table until both of us have had a chance to go through it. Otherwise either one of us is prone to walking off with something like the light bill and laying it down and then having no idea where it went!!

Anyway, back to today's picture - a little while after I'd taken the first one my middle daughter came home and let her pet cockatiel out to come visit the rest of the family. I don't think she comprehends that she is not a people - she is a bird. You can imagine what happened when she noticed the grapes sitting defenseless on the table. Okay, you don't have to imagine - I will show you.

Yep - Teela joined right in on the snacking - much to my daughter's delight and much less so to her father's. Shortly after these were taken Teela was returned to the family room - with her own small sprig of grapes to work on!!

Check out Comfort Joy Designs Giveaway!

2009-03-31T06:48:00.003-06:00

G'day Mate! Comfort Joy Designs is hosting a great give-away. It's open to us Yanks in the USA. Check out her blog here: Giveaway. If you like bath and body products you will love checking these prizes out!

I gotta learn how to do one of these Widget thingies - so much to learn, so much to learn!! Being a new blogger has been so much fun - and sometimes exhausting. Seems like my blog is constantly in transition. The exciting thing is I am learning about so many neat tools and tricks out there that can help make your blog even more interesting.

And when I find opportunities like this it makes it even more fun!

Join me at Comfort Joy Designs!

My Life. In Pictures. Day 1

2009-03-30T20:56:00.006-06:00

Everything But The Grill is sponsoring a Photo Challenge Project through her blog My Life. In Pictures. Day 1 challenges us to take a picture of something new. My choice for something new was a picture of the first dandelion to be spotted in our front yard. It's still cold here - we just had snow last week - the grass isn't even green yet - but that's not stopping this determined weed. I had to restrain my husband long enough to get a photo taken. He takes dandelion invasion of his yard very personally!!

One Cup of Coffee - was it too much to ask for?

2009-03-30T11:29:00.015-06:00

Ever have one of those mornings where nothing seems to go as planned? I can already imagine many heads nodding in agreement. Truthfully they happen more often than I'd like to admit.

Just the other day I got up with my daughter to do my daily walk which includes helping her deliver newspapers and dragging our fat beagle along. When I first started this exercise program it was just too much for me to take to walk out the door and see her curled up all warm and comfy on her couch. No, this was just not right. If I couldn't be in my nice warm bed - neither could my dog!! Sorry - digression.

Back to the morning in question. I usually have my side of the street fairly well memorized as to who gets which paper, but on this morning I found myself at the end of the street with an extra paper in hand and for the life of me couldn't figure out who I'd missed. So, I had to backtrack and find the empty front porch.

Once I got home I generously offered to let my teenager have the first shower with a promise that there would be hot water left over for my turn. Then I plodded over to the coffee pot, started the coffee, and plodded back to my room. I looked at my nice warm bed and contemplated if I had enough time to lay down for a bit before the day really kicked in. A glance at my watch said no - not if I wanted time for a shower. So I sat down to check email and blogs and such while my dear daughter finished her shower.

A short time later I heard the shower squeak off and went in for my turn. What was I thinking to let my teenage daughter go first?!!! I sooooo knew better. My shower started off barely tepid and rapidly reached ice cold. Very, very quickly I was out, toweled off and putting on warm clothes. Good thing the teenager's room is in the basement or I might have said something I'd have to apologize for later.

With chattering teeth I approached the coffee pot and **gasp** there was no hot coffee!! How wrong, how cruel - what had happened?? And then, much to my chagrin I realized that I had filled the carafe with water and but had forgotten to pour said water into the well in the coffee pot before hitting the brew button. Grumbling to myself I added the water and made extra sure that I actually hit the brew button before walking away.

As I headed back down the hall to wake up the younger two sisters I heard a blood-curdling wail come from their bedroom and my middle child came tearing out of her room. She barely paused long enough to say, "Moooommmmm, you didn't wake me up early - I forgot I needed to finish my science review - I'll never get it done now!!" Yes, as you can imagine she is my most dramatic child. I didn't bother to try to reason with her that she had never asked me to wake her up early and that I had asked her twice last night to double check her assignment list and make sure everything was finished. Nope, instead I ducked into their bedroom to comfort the youngest of my three darling daughters who had woken up after her sister's shriek and was crying in her bed. Thankfully she was happy to just wrap herself up in Mommy's lap be held until both of us felt able to face the other two.

On a positive note I finally did get my cup of coffee. My body temperature returned to normal and all of us made it to school/work on time. We even had breakfast, were dressed, hair brushed, homework completed and no one forgot a backpack or purse. Not bad - considering...

Win a Video Camera & Help Save A Life

2009-03-30T10:03:00.004-06:00

Hey, Folks!

This is definitely a win/win opportunity. Go check out Resourceful Mommy's blog at this link for more info: http://resourcefulmommy.blogspot.com/2009/03/win-digital-video-camera-and-help-save.html

This is a quote from her Team Page at the March of Dimes site:

"When our first child, Emma, was born two months early, we had no idea the challenges we would face and the support we would need. The March of Dimes provided us with information, answers, and emotional support through what was the toughest time of our lives. The technology they helped discover not only saved Emma's life, but it helped me to carry my second child to full term. We're walking to give EVERY baby their full 9 months..."

If you are inspired by this then check out her page at March of Dimes here: http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?SeId=628072

Just when I was getting a bit too cocky...

2009-03-27T13:25:00.010-06:00

Well, it's been a whole month now and I'm still getting up to walk to every morning. If you've caught my blog in February you also know that these early AM walks include helping my oldest daughter deliver newspapers.

I have to say after a few weeks I was feeling like I was pretty hot stuff. My sleep cycle was adjusting so I wasn't completely exhausted every morning. The weather was generally pretty tolerable and I was getting rather adept at tossing those paper sticks on people's front porches. Oh, yes, I would trot - or rather walk briskly - down the block and deftly flick my wrist and the papers would land neatly on their porches and off I'd go with barely a hint of a pause between houses.

It's at this time that I would actually really start to wake up and realize that I had missed the porch and had to go retrieve the paper from the bushes or window well it had landed in. That wasn't as bad as the time my throw went completely wild and the paper landed on the roof. I was trying to imagine the look on the people's faces when I came back later in the day to tell them they might want to get the newspaper out of their gutter before it overflowed during a rain storm.

I then began wondering how honest I wanted to be about just how I knew said newspaper was in their rain-gutter. So, I ended up climbing up their front porch railing and precariously reaching up and flicking the paper out of their gutter and kicking it onto the porch. Thank God the railing was sturdy and I didn't fall and they didn't pick that moment to walk out of their front door to get their morning newspaper!! I did have to put up with a bit of harassment from my first-born, though, who had come back to check up on me when she realized she was finished on her side of the block and Mom was no where to be found.

As if the roof incident wasn't enough - our prayers for moisture were answered with a lovely spring snowstorm that dumped several inches overnight. After plowing throughing snowdrift after snow drift and retrieving several papers that simply slid from one side of a porch and off the other I was exhausted. And sore. And badly wanted a cup of coffee and a donut. No one volunteered to run out for donuts, though, so I settled for a warm cup of coffee, turned on my computer and was very excited to comes across a blog which offered an added incentive to keep getting up and plodding along in the mornings. 2nd Cup of Coffee is having "30 x5 for 2 Weeks." Check out the button below to visit the post which explains it.

And because I'm succeptable to subliminal suggestions - I'm going to go get a 2nd cup of coffee myself.

Join Me at the Ultimate Blog Party 2009!!

2009-03-24T14:14:00.004-06:00

My friends in Bible study will probably be reminding me that I admitted to spending too time much cruising various blogs on the web - and they would be right to hold me accountable - and I promise to get back to work just as soon as I share what I found
today while pursuing my internet addiction:

It's my first time joining in on a "Blog Party" and so far it's been a lot of fun participating in it! They have prizes they are giving to folks who participate. There's a lot to look at - I so hope you enjoy roaming the party as I have!!

Okay - and now I'm getting back to work - I promise!!!

PS: Almost forgot to include my wish list for prizes that would be awesome to win:

1 — $100 gift certificate to either Pedal Cars and Retro (http://www.pedalcarsandretro.com/) or A Rocking Horse To Love (http://www.a-rocking-horse-to-love.com/)
Provided by: 5 Minutes for Mom

4 –T-Shirt from our new spring line
Provided by: tottieBEAN (http://www.tottiebean.com/)

USC 74 — set of the Maximum Ride series of books (5 books) from Marta’s Meanderings
Provided by: Marta’s Meanderings (http://martasmeanderings.blogspot.com/) courtesy of Hachette Book Group

USC 56 — 1 (One) $25 Gift Card to Target
Provided by: Full Circle (http://coloradodentons.blogspot.com/)

PS - Almost forgot to include my wish list for prizes that would be awesome to win:

Let the driveling begin...

2009-03-18T09:33:00.002-06:00

I need to start adding pictures to my blog. And I need to keep reading other blogs to get ideas about what to write about and how to make mine more interesting - not to just to anyone who might happen to read it, but also to me. Sometimes I log on and have absolute writer's block - okay most times I log on, I feel that way, but I also am determined to keep writing SOMETHING whether anyone reads it or not.

I also need to use some of the other great blogs as motive to find ways to improve my own. Or simply let myself enjoy them rather than letting myself get jealous of them. Some people are really good at blogging on just about any topic and I let myself worry too much about wasting Internet space by filling it up with mindless drivel. Guess if all I have is mindless drivel to offer better start working on making it the best mindless drivel on the net!! There - that's a much more positive mindset.

Seriously or Literally???

2009-03-10T14:10:00.003-06:00

So, this is one of the things that has been troubling me lately. I was in our church's Lenten bible study a couple of Sunday nights ago and we were talking about this passage in the Bible from Matthew:

Matthew 14:25 - 30

²⁵During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

²⁷But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

²⁸"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

²⁹"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Our discussion question seemed simple enough, "Why did Peter sink?" A few folks said things like - Peter was fine until he took his eyes off Jesus and let the wind distract him. It's analogous to our own lives - we do so much better when our focus is on God and can sink in the muck when we take our focus off of Him.

One lady, though, started talking about how she has struggled with passages like this and understanding how a real person could walk on water. In other classes she's learned that it probably happened because they were in a part of the lake that wasn't very deep or had rocks under the water that Peter & Jesus could stand on and just "looked" like they were walking on the water.

Now I've heard this before, so it wasn't new, but what got me thinking was that I felt like I should have some kind of response to her that would respect her opinion and yet, still be able to say to her, "But what if it's true? What if it really was a miracle? Why is it so hard to believe that the God of this universe could WALK ON THE WATER?" Okay, in my head I was ranting, but I kept my mouth shut. I am insecure enough as it is and believe that I am viewed as "a bit of a religious nut" even for most of my church friends, so I didn't say anything. I wanted to, though. I felt somehow I was missing an opportunity for both me and this lady to share in something meaningful.

I mean, I love the Bible. It is truly God's word to me. Now does this mean I have to choose sides? Am I a Literal Bible studier or a Serious Bible studier? The thought that comes to my mind is - "So, what if Jesus was just walking on rocks? So what if the water was just shallow? Don't you get that you are missing the point???"

I realized later than in a way I felt sorry for this lady. She seemed to truly be searching and my ability to both accept the fact Jesus & Peter were just rock-hopping AND still see the miracle in the point of the story is a gift. I do have a gift of faith and sometimes I want so much to share it with others, but experience has taught me that not everyone gets it the same way I do. Not my friends who take the Bible seriously and literally or my friends who would say they take it seriously, but not literally. I fall somewhere in between maybe????

Rev. Trudy said something in her sermon Sunday morning that really spoke to me about this after I'd wrestled with it in my head all week. I'm paraphrasing what Rev. Trudy said, but it went something like this: Trudy had a class in seminary where the students were having a discussion that got rather theological and academic until one student who had been very quiet the whole time spoke up. This student said that she had no need for a God who was powerless. She said she had been brutally abused as a child and when she suffering the most she needed to know that her God was capable of being down in the dirt and suffering right along with her. I wanted to jump up in church and say "Yes, that's what I needed to respond to the lady in the Lenten study." Of course, I didn't actually jump up in church. But it got me thinking some more. I, Kathy, have no need of a God who can't do miracles. I need one who is capable of things beyond my wildest imaginations. When life is tough and hard and seems impossible I need a Savior who can walk right next to me and rise above all that. I don't need to understand how - I just need the faith that He literally can do whatever it takes - seriously.

Siesta Scripture for March 1

2009-03-05T13:26:00.000-07:00

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”- Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 (NIV)

Okay - I'm jumping in late as usual, but better late than never - especially when it comes to doing something that will undoubtedly be good for me. I'm going to try to memorize scripture with Beth Moore and her Siesta's. If you wonder what the heck I'm talking about you can check out her blog on the link posted on my page. Basically we are to pick a new scripture on the 1st & 15th of each month - post it on her board and then work on memorizing or at least familiarizing ourselves with it for the next couple of weeks. I used to be good at memorizing when I was younger, but I have to admit it's gotten to be a bit more challenging as I've gotten older and takes a bit more work.

I have always liked this verse when I ran across it, but have also found myself challenged by it. It is sobering to think that while I like what it tells me to do - I am not good at putting it into practice. I THINK about God's commandments a lot, but when it comes to taking those thoughts and getting them past my lips I haven't done so well. I want to be able to talk about God's word with anyone, but especially with those I love the most. It should not be hard for me, but it is. So here is one step towards giving up that bastion of fear in my life and stepping out and opening up my mouth - and hopefully, letting God worry about the consequences.

Lent 2009 - what's happening this year.....

2009-03-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

I shared the following post on a Facebook discussion board talking about what people are doing for Lent this year and how it's going. I'm trying to post more frequently on this blog, so I figured I'd use the same post. Not sure it that's cheating, but figured chances are good that not too many of the same people read both.

During most of my childhood Lent held no real significance. I grew up Methodist and if any of the pastors or churches encouraged us to any kind of action or self-reflection or sacrifice I was not paying any attention. Then one day my best friend in high school - who was and still is Catholic - asked me what I was giving up for Lent. This was a completely foreign concept to me, so she gladly explained Lent to me from her perspective. Then she asked me again - "Well, now that you know what it is, what are you giving up?" I tried to get out of it by saying that Protestants don't have to do stuff like that for Lent. She refused to let me off the hook by telling me that my denomination didn't matter. If I loved God like I claimed I did I should be willing to show it in some significant way for what is really a very small period of time. I remember thinking somewhat irreverently that God might have chosen to give me a best-friend who was Methodist - would that have been too much to ask? So, I ended up using her example of giving up chocolate for what remained of Lent.

Since then my personal observance has been rather sporadic - although I did start noticing that my churches actually did encourage some kind of participation in Lent. And then a few years ago my own high school age daughter asked me what we should do for Lent. Must be something about those teen years. We decided to give up soda pop. After all it's really not that good for us anyway and we would just avoid buying any with our groceries. Unfortunately, we went on a trip for Spring Break and broke down about the 4th day of eating out and not ordering a coke. It was a great disappointment to both of us.

Last year was a rough one because instead of giving up something I decided to add something. I decided that for Lent I was going to attend worship every Sunday. Our church had been through some very rough experiences in the past few years. My family had been through some challenges during the same time. I still lead my adult Sunday school class, but that was the extent of my Sunday morning participation. For someone who had lived most of her life attending church faithfully every Sunday this was a significant lapse. Our church has three different services on Sunday morning, too, so it wasn't like I had a good excuse either. After almost a year of managing to skip worship God finally was not letting me off the hook. It was probably the best experience during Lent I've ever had because it brought me back into honest fellowship with my church family whom I love very, very much. And it brought me to a closer relationship with God-whom I also love very, very much. And that, I believe, is supposed to be part of our Lenten experience.

This year seems somewhat anti-climatic compared to last year, but I found a list on the www.umc.org website inside an article on called "Lent 101." I'm trying to do #2 on the list which is to say a prayer every time I check my email - which is probably far too often, but I work at a computer all day and it is easily accessible!! So far, it's going pretty well. I find myself stopping to think after I've looked at my email if I remembered to pray or not. If not then I try to take a minute and do it then. It's been a neat way to keep my focus off of just me during the day. These prayers have also helped to keep me in close conservation with God which certainly can't hurt either.

Thanks for letting me share!

In Christ,

Kathy S.

New Exercise Program

2009-02-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

This all began back in September when my oldest daughter Cody decided she wanted to start delivering newspapers in the morning to earn some extra money. While I admired her ambition at the same time I cringed a bit because newspaper routes are demanding. The paper is delivered every single day of the year, so what about days off? I am not good at planning ahead and what about those times when we want to just take off for the weekend? Who would we get to substitute? This was especially valid for Cody because of her participation in Speech and Debate at school. The Debate season is long one. And with this being her 4th year involved we had learned that it typically meant she would be gone most Friday nights and Saturdays traveling to meets. In relation to the paper route this meant she would regularly need a sub on Saturday mornings. All of these thoughts ran through my head as she recited her list of reasons why this would be a good job for her to have that would allow her time for activities and homework after school and in the evenings. I felt like I couldn't tell her no, so I said that she should talk to her dad. If he was willing to sign on as her permanent sub we could make it work for her. Well, her dad said yes, so there went my last option for telling Cody no to the paper route.

For several months Cody has done very well getting up early and delivering the papers. Six days a week she walks the route wearing her lovely paper bag with the front and back pouches for holding the papers. Early on she started taking our terrier Jake with her for some company. Jake loves doing the paper route. His enthusiasm at 4:30am every single day is rather inspiring. Cody lets Jake run along with her because he will actually come when called and there is rarely anyone out at that time of day for him to bother. Our fat lazy beagle Sadie was perfectly content to stay curled up inside when Cody and Jake left in the mornings. Sundays we quickly figured out were much easier with a car and driver to help because of the size of the papers - she couldn't carry them all because they just didn't fit. Still it usually meant me or Terry driving and Cody doing all the running of the papers.

This worked great until a few weeks ago when there came a Saturday when both Terry and Cody were going to be out of town at the same time. For some reason they both looked at ME when I asked who would cover the route. I had never done it by myself. The only time I'd helped was on a couple of Sundays when I magnanimously told Terry he could sleep in. Sundays were nice - I got to stay in a nice warm vehicle and slowly follow Cody down the street. A Saturday by MYSELF did not sound nice at all. The things we do for our children. On the Thursday before Cody and Terry were going to be gone I found myself getting up early, dressing in layers as my daughter recommended, being handed a flashlight and a map of her route and trudging along behind my eldest child as she carried the bag of papers and started explaining to me which houses get which paper. Before we left I had decided I was not going to suffer this alone so I grabbed a belt, put it on around my waist, hooked a leash to the belt and hooked Sadie to the leash. Sadie, unlike Jake, does NOT respond well to voice commands. With the leash hooked to the belt I still had my hands free for handling papers. No staying home all warm and comfy when I had to go out in the cold and wind!! Misery loves company.

Well, you can imagine my surprise when I found that delivering the papers with Cody wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. I actually enjoyed it. It was fun to visit with Cody as we walked and Sadie was happy as she always loves going for walks. A thought occurred to me as we made our way through the route. I looked at Jake. Jake had slimmed down and toned up quite a bit since running with Cody in the mornings. He easily covers two or three times the distance the people do because he runs ahead and runs back and occasionally chases one of the many rabbits that inhabit the bushes in our neighborhood. And my daughter was in pretty good shape from walking every morning and carrying the papers. Roly-poly Sadie and I, on the other hand, did not measure up as well in the physically fit department. If I was to be completely honest, my physical activity level was rather non-existent. I work in an office at a desk during the day and I wasn't terribly active at home either - I spend too much time watching tv with Terry and the girls or on the computer. Hmmm....

You might guess where this is going and the answer is, "Yes, I am now delivering papers with my daughter in the mornings." It's very good exercise for me and Sadie - you know, I wasn't going to let her go back to lounging in the mornings either!! I have Cody for company most days and on the days when she is gone I make Terry get up and go with me. I don't know if this will continue after she leaves for College in the fall, but for now it is good and I will enjoy it for the blessing it is to me and my dog and my daughter. Her younger sister Kati adamantly declares she has no interest in taking over the route when Cody leaves, but I have several months to work on her. And at least by then I should have the good habit of every day getting up and getting out with the beagle - even if only for a short walk. This is definitely not what I had in mind all those times the thought would come that I needed to get more exercise. And yet, in spite of all of my objections - it works and I like it. Go figure.

Sheep, Goats, Funerals, Inaugurations, Cell Phones, and other miscellaneous ramblings

2009-01-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

Obviously, today I'm having a bit of trouble in focusing. There are a lot of different things running through my head.

Too begin with a friend from church sent out an email a few days ago asking if we thought we were a sheep or a goat? Our pastor had preached on Matthew 25:31-46:

The Sheep and the Goats
31"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

I know what I WANT to be - I want to be a sheep. I want to sit at Jesus' right hand and bask in His favor. Realistically - I'm sure I have that I many more goat qualities than I'd like to admit. I don't think this means I'm loved by Him any less - yet I know that I can do better. And, I'm sure if I can know this, then Jesus knows it even better than me. Whew - I definitely have a bit more thinkin' and prayin' to do before I write back and answer that email.

I went up to Riverton to my parents' place Monday night all by myself. This was another one of those paradoxical moments in my life. It was a nice break to be able to take off by myself sans kids and husband and hit the road for a few hours. I listened to a book on cd while I drove and had no external interruptions. And yet, the reason for my trip was not nice, but very sad. I headed to Riverton to attend the funeral of one of my mom's best friends who had been battling cancer. Considering that she is now at peace, no longer suffering and in the best company any of us can hope for I won't say the cancer won. Yet the rest of us here will feel her loss deeply for a long time to come.

Tuesday morning we were greeted with even more hard news when we learned that another long-time family friend had suffered a heart attack the night before and passed away. His death was rather unexpected. My family and I functioned on autopilot for the first couple of hours that day.

Before Betsy's funeral we watched the 44th president of the United States take his oath of office. I was struck by how momentous an occasion this truly was in so many ways. Do we Americans really have any idea how significant it is to have such a peaceful transfer of power occur? I don't think we do - we take it for granted. There are so many nations in our world for whom such a change would involve civil war and strife and bloodshed.

Betsy's funeral - like so many - was both happy and sad. I really enjoyed the opportunity to catch up with friends I hadn't been in touch with for years. And we celebrated the time honored tradition of bemoaning how we shouldn't let it take a funeral to get us back together again. Life and distance has a way of testing our good intentions, doesn't it?

I will admit that I am excited that I'm getting a new cellphone! My old one has been slowly falling apart for some time. The antenna is broken and I can only hear callers if the speakerphone is on. I was just waiting until we were close enough to our contract renewel date so that I could order one for much less money. It'll probably arrive tomorrow!!

Ah, tomorrow - I won't be in town when my new phone arrives. I'll be in Rawlins attending Al's funeral. More tears, more hugs, more opportunity to catch up on relationships. More opportunity for me to be so grateful to friends and family in my life who make it possible for me to attend these gatherings and still take care of my children. Terry sent me off to Betsy's funeral because he knew it meant more to me than to him or the kids to be there. And now that Terry is out of town my mother-in-law has willing stepped in to watch the girls while I head west to Rawlins. I know that I don't deserve this kind of support - but I am truly grateful for the gift of it!!!!

Rest in Peace Betsy and Al. You will be missed.

45 things I bet you don't know about me‏

2009-01-12T11:52:00.001-07:00

45 things I bet you don't know about me‏

1. Do you like blue cheese? It's okay - I prefer Ranch

2. Have you ever smoked? No - glad I never tried. I would probably never have been able to quit. I have too many women in my family who are smokers and have not ever really been able to completely break the habit.

3. Do you own a gun? Not me - but my husband does.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Red, followed closely by purple, and orange was okay.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not after having had three babies.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like them very occasionally. The hotdog stand at Lowe's has the best!!

7. Favorite Christmas movie? It's a Wonderful Life

8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? I usually start with a big glass of water - and then bring on the coffee!!!!

9. Can you do push ups? Can – yes Want to - that's a whole 'nother issue

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My wedding ring - simple, pretty, not too flashy

11 What is your favorite hobby? It's a toss up between reading for fun, studying for Bible study, and messing with computers. Yes, I am a true Geek.

12. Do you have A.D.D.? Nope - at least I don't think so....nope, pretty sure not.

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? Procrastination - it makes so many other things in my life much harder than they need to be!

14. Middle name? Louise - same as my dad's mom and my oldest daugther.

15. Best Birthday? My 40th - although haven't had my 41st yet to compare it with. I finally realized not only am I old enough be a grown up - but it's okay not to always act like one!! Not that I always behave like a grown-up, I just gave myself huge guilt trips over it.

16. Name 3 things you regularly drink: Water, coffee, tea - not necessarily in that order or preference

17. How many siblings do you have? one younger sister and one younger brother

18. Current "hate it right now": People who don't bother to park their shopping carts out of the way of parked cars and moving vehicles.

19. Favorite place to be? Curled up on my couch with all five of my family members snuggled together. Yes, it's a tight fit, but I love having all of us so close together - especially if we are watching something we really enjoy on tv.

20. How did you bring in the New Year last year? Played games with Terry and the girls - paused to watch the Ball drop at Times Square - and then finished a movie before going to bed.

21. Where would you like to go? Let's see - anywhere between the East and West Coast - there are so many amazing places in this country. Hershey, PA comes to mind, Washington, DC, Disneyland/Disneyworld. And, of course, overseas - almost anywhere in Europe, but especially Germany. Australia, New Zealand to cover another part of the ocean - those are just for starters

22. Name three people who might complete this: Carla C., my sis-in-law Ronda, and not sure who else

23. Do you own slippers? Nope - as my husband would say the thermostat in my feet is broken. My feet never stay a constant temperature - they get hot so I'm always kicking off my shoes. I usually wear heavy socks inside instead of slippers.

24. What shirt are you wearing? Cream turtleneck with fall colored leaves on it and a purple jacket

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Not really - too much fear I'll slide out of bed

26. Can you whistle? Yes

27. Favorite color? Red

28. Would you be a pirate? Probably not - although I'd always secretly admire them

29. What songs do you sing in the shower? Don't usually sing in the shower.

30 .Favorite girl names? Cody, Katrina, Tori - also always like my mom's name - Leora - even if it is old-fashioned, and Isabella for some reason

31. Favorite boy names? Can't think of any - it's a good thing I had three daughters!!

32. What's in your pocket right now? Empty - although usually has keys, cellphone, wadded up dollar bill, anything my four-year-old might have wanted Mom to hold onto for her.
33. Last thing to make you laugh? My niece Reagan and my daughter Tori giggling. There is something very contagious about little kids laughter.

34. What vehicle do you drive? Dodge Grand Caravan - plenty of room for people and junk which is mostly what I haul around.

35. Worst injury you've ever had? Slightly twisted knee - as far as injuries go I've been very fortunate!

36. Do you love where you live? Yes, Yes, Yes. Wyoming has always been home in my mind and heart. I learned to appreciate it so much more when we are away for several years.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 2

38.Who is your loudest friend? Can't name just one......

39. Do you have any pets? An overweight Beagle, and lovable Terrier Mutt mix, a gerbil, and noisy cockatiel, 3 kids, 1 husband - oh, wait, we were just counting pets...

40. Does someone have a crush on you? My husband and my four-year-old.

41. Your favorite book(s): I love science fiction and anything by Karen Kingsbury - odd mix, I know! Also, love Bible study curriculum and being involved in classes.

42. Do you collect anything? Teapots , Bibles

43. Favorite Sports Team? Ummm - Colorado Rockies - yep, pretty sure that's a team....

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Amazing Grace - it's always been my favorite. Not a traditional lullaby, but it's the one my girls still ask for when I tuck them in.

45. What are you listening to right now? Fans from the printer and computers in my office - it's amazingly quiet in here today.

Christmas 2008 - Paradox

2008-12-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

This season has been such a rollercoaster - not just in our family, but for our whole community. It began in late October when we started anticipating Thanksgiving. Our household was looking at the calendar and thinking that we'd better get busy or the house wouldn't be ready for the influx of people we'd invited to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. So, with great anticipation we started cleaning house and making plans and grocery lists. I was so excited to think that both my brother and his whole family, my sister and her whole family, my parents, a couple of uncles and a few friends were coming to celebrate with us. It was wonderful and joyful.

And yet, by Thanksgiving day tragedy had come to our hometown and left it's dark imprint. I spent one Sunday morning unable to truly worship as I sat in church with my arms wrapped around Cody as we both cried and cried over the death of the not just one but two young girls who had each chosen to take her own life in just the past couple of weeks. My heart broke for these girls' families, my heart broke for my daughter as she tried to grapple with understanding why two people she knew would make such a sad decision, my heart broke for my community as we all staggered in the wake of these suicides. There are no words adequate for such a situation.

Thanksgiving Day did arrive and with joy tempered by sorrow it was a wonderful time with family and friends. My heart is absolutely happiest when I am surrounded by extended loved ones and this holiday filled me up to overflowing. We had three generations of family celebrating simply being together. In my family we practice the motto that many hands make light work so it was not a burden to make sure everyone was fed three times a day and other daily needs taken care of. And, of course, it ended all too soon as eventually they all had to head back to their own homes and jobs, etc. Still we made many happy memories. My favorite is my nephew Matthew telling me that he left the sleeping bag he had used at my house in the closet in the guest bedroom and wanted to make sure I would keep it there for the next time he came to visit. What a wonderful gift to know that that my little nephew had such a good time he's already anticipating coming back!!

So then our minds naturally moved into Christmas preparation mode. Another joyous time, more time with family to anticipate. The girls and I had the most fun of all buying presents for a family whose information we got from the Angel Tree at church. We may never know who they are, but it was a wonderful lesson in how giving is so much more rewarding than receiving. The decorations went up around the house and lights up around the yard. What beautiful anticipation of celebrating God's greatest gift to us. And then, the news that a good friend of Cody's older sister named Megan has gone missing. After a week of prayer and worry and searching by our community which was still in mourning we receive the sad news that this third young woman has been found - and she has also made the tragic choice to end her own life. How can this be happening? My sorrow was so great and yet I knew it was as mere drops compared to the ocean of sorrow Megan's family must be experiencing. Why comes up a lot - why should Matt and Carol lose their firstborn baby girl like this? Why should Tabby - my own daughter's friend - lose her big sister? Why should this wonderful family have to experience Christmas and the rest of their lives without someone they loved so dearly? Why?

Cody and I attended Megan's funeral and the church was so full there was standing room only. In the midst of heartache we received a vital message. Megan and both of the other two girls we lost before Thanksgiving are indeed no longer suffering. Surely they are in the arms of a God who can minister to them so much better than we ever could. And yet part of the message was that it was not God's plan that they should choose to take their own lives. God surely had so much more in mind for them if they would only have chosen differently. I was greatly heartened to hear that. Very glad that my own daughter was able to hear that God loves us all so much and wants so much for us - and even though He does not promise it will always be easy - He does promise He will always be with us and always wants us to make the choice never to give up on the life He has given us. Rev. Trudy and Megan's soccer coach both said the right things about how Megan and the others made the mistake of believing a lie. The lie that suicide is the only answer. It never is - God offers us so much more.

Rev. Trudy talked about how in many ways Megan's life was a paradox. One the one hand she was an amazingly gifted athelete and bright young woman and on the other hand extremely shy and insecure. This holiday season feels like a paradox to me. How can so much sadness and tragedy exist in the same time and place as so much joy and celebration? In just two days it will be Christmas. I know that my family will experience a time of sharing gifts with loved ones and rejoicing in all that God continues to bless us with. And I know that I will also be very aware that not everyone will feel that same joy, not everyone will feel so tremendously blessed as my family knows they are and that will leave this Christmas another joyful Holiday tempered by great sadness. God probably did that on purpose. I trust Him in that. If He feels I need to know this paradox, then there is a good reason- even when all I can comprehend is enough to make me continue to ask, why?

November 6, 2008

2008-11-06T09:51:00.000-07:00

Well, after claiming how I wasn't going to be afraid to speak my mind, I managed to procrastinate for almost two months before taking the time to sit down and write something new!! Ah, yes, that is another issue God has been working on with me for quite sometime now....

Anyway, I was having fun figuring out how to add different blogs to my watch list so that I could keep up with folks I'm interested in. It seemed a good motivator to put something new on my own.

Currently the Sanford household is in a somewhat constant state of flux as we adjust to the ongoing changes in our lives. My husband Terry retired from the military after 26 years of service. Figuring out exactly what his role/purpose in life is at 47 years of age hasn't been easy, but God has blessed us so much through this change! And I know that with Terry whatever happens will not be boring.

Our oldest daughter Cody is a senior in high school. I catch myself "memorializing" moments in my head because I know that there will be fewer and fewer of them as this year progresses. Next year she will be away at college. And both our lives will never be the same. I am going to miss so much the day to day contact we have. The opportunity to get up and just give her a hug in the morning before she heads off to school or to do her paper route. The chance to get to make tea with her and just visit about life. Watching our favorite shows we've rented from Netflix. I know that these opportunities won't completely end when she leaves, but they will become fewer and far between. It's so true that sometimes you don't realize what others are going through until you've experienced something similar yourself. I have a greater appreciation for how graciously my own parents have handled major events in their children's lives. I only hope I can pass on the same legacy to my girls.

Okay, I have to change subjects because I am sitting here blubbering at my computer and the screen is hard to read!!

On a day to day level our lives are in change because I have been working more hours each day at the office. One of our legal assistants went on maternity leave at the end of August and the last couple of months have been very busy! I work for a small law firm consisting of two attorneys who happen to be husband and wife. We have two full time legal assistants and me. I work part time helping out with whatever needs to be done and I love it. I couldn't ask for better people to work with. They are extremely good to me and supportive of my role as a wife and mom and because of that I felt that the least I could do was step up and help them out while Jenny was taking time off to be home with her new baby. She will be back in the office in a couple of weeks and then I will be able to be home more again. Working full-time hours has been a wonderful reminder of how precious my time with my family is. The slightly bigger paychecks have been very nice, but I find that I especially miss the hours between 3pm and 5pm when I could be home with the girls when they got out of school and just be there if they wanted to visit or have the time to prepare dinner or run errands, etc.

All of our children are anticipating milestone changes in their lives. In addition to Cody finishing high school this year, Kati is in the 6th grade and will be making the transition to Junior High next year. And Tori is in her last year of preschool - next year she starts Kindergarten!

And while I'm musing about changes in our personal lives our country is going through some historic changes as well. No matter where you are on the political spectrum this is an exciting time in our nation's history. I would encourage all of us who are Americans to remember that we are the UNITED States of America. The political process which has served our great nation for decades has spoken and we have a new leader who will step into power in January. Regardless of whether you voted for him or not - Barack Obama will be our next president. John McCain's speech after the election was extremely gracious in acknowledging that fact. It was very moving to hear him acknowledge that Obama will be the nation's president and John McCain's president. His love for this country is strong enough to carry him through the disappointment of losing and move onto continued service. And that service involves accepting the decision the people of this country have made. Our country will continue to be great only if we can see beyond political lines and differences of opinions and remain united in our efforts.

Well, that's it for now!

'Till next time - God Bless Everyone - No Exceptions!

Here I am, World!

2008-09-11T09:30:00.000-06:00

Okay, I have to admit that like many newbie bloggers I'm rather nervous about creating a blog. And yet, I'm drawn to it rather unresistably. After all, some of my friends have blogs that I greatly enjoy. And for someone who tends to hold back from speaking to avoid saying the wrong thing it draws me at a deeper level - because I do long to share what I think!

I can see many positives to blogging. In today's world it is a very easy, convenient way to keep friends and loved ones up to date on what is happening in my life. Yet, I have to confess to having feared the idea of blogging for some time as well. After all there is power and permanence in the written word. I stumble over my spoken words all the time, but there is usually the opportunity right at the same moment to laugh at myself and diffuse any verbal blunders. You don't get that chance in cyberspace. I have nursed a long held fear of the consequences of writing something that I really didn't mean or inadvertently hurting someone's feelings or - the worst one - somehow coming across as an absolute idiot. And with a blog there is a chance that my humiliating text will survive indefinitely in infamy. Even if the blog is removed there is the chance that someone could have read what I wrote and then copy/pasted it onto their hard drive and I would have no way of knowing who they were or what they would do with my words.

We talked about fear in the Bible study I attend on Tuesday mornings. We were finishing up a study of Wisdom in the book of Proverbs by Beth Moore. I won't try to describe the ladies I meet with on Tuesday mornings in too much detail right now - they are enough material for several posts all their own! I will simply say that I love them all and am continually blessed by our time together. So, getting back to fear...the basic gist of the bit on fear talked about how much we tend to let fear rule our lives. My fear of humiliation and lack of control over people's reactions to my writing has kept me from not only blogging, but also from many chances to express myself on things that really do matter to me. Beth Moore said something like, (I'm probably quoting this badly,but anyway) fear of things in your life while destroy, but fear of God will give you life. I don't want to be controlled by my fears. I want to be willing to hand them over to God. I know that He is more than capable of putting my fears in their rightful place. I want to live fully trusting that God is going to be with me no matter what the future may bring. No matter what anyone thinks of what I write! And, maybe, just maybe, there is the possibility that some reader might be blessed by something I bother to type out - and that would make God happy, which I think would be awesome!

'Till Next Time!